An Investigation of the Increased Frequency of Vaginal ‘Consumption’ Among Jamaican Men: A Pilot Survey

Jamaica has for years embraced the culture of “oral sex rejection”, men forbidden to taste the juices of the labia, women frowned upon for taking the pole in the other hole. The nation’s opposition was clearly expressed in the music and 15 years ago one would not expect a public confession relating to the matter. It is clear the level of acceptance has increased as time progresses so I thought it would be a good idea to ask a few men their views. The responses are summarized below:

Bushy Puss
Bushy Puss

These individuals were randomly selected but I made sure I had a diverse mix, Christian, Rastafarian, Non-religious etc. They were asked “What are your views on cunnilingus and do you partake in such activities”. They were assured they had the right not to answer any questions and if they agreed, their names will not be used without permission. Here are the responses:

Anonymous 1: “Bwoy If mi wife seh she want it enuh, and she must have it, then I will do it, but I won’t suggest it. I have to make sure she is satisfied at home to prevent her from cheating.”

So he is basically saying he is going to hold his wife at home…with his tongue!  

Chad: “Yow mi nuh know enuh.” nervously looks away. “I have no views.. I doe know.” looks away “I …I …”

Guilt was written all over his face. 

Don: “When you have yuh wife, you affi love every part a har.”

Every Part!

Anonymous 2: “Boy mi nuh inna dat enuh. Yow doa use mi name enuh.”

“He seemed a little uncomfortable.”

Vin: “Yow inna di ghetto weh mi grow up every man seh fire pon dem ting deh enuh. But now a days people a do it more and more. Mi neva dweet yet still but…”

Interrupted but based on the progress of that conversation I’ll classify him as; Unsure.

Anonymous 3: “People do what dem waa do enuh, mi nuh see ntn wrong with it”

Translation: Mi do weh mi waa do enuh, I eat if I waa eat.

A group of 3 guys, Anonymous 2 was also present as he wanted to hear what the others had to say.

David: “I don’t see anything wrong with it”

Anonymous 2: “Fi real as long as you doing it with just that one girl”

Anonymous 4: “Yow pum pum fi eat! Mi naa hide an talk! Das why my girl love me enuh. All when e jaw dem big an yuh…” PG – It was also interesting to note the increased moisture around his mouth as he made his rant.

Anonymous 2: “Yow mi did have dis Trini girl and she wanted to do it. I told her she may but I won’t do it back. Knowing that I am not into it, she touched herself and wiped her juices all over my face. But mi tell my faada long time seh mi naa dweet still but ntn nuh really wrong with it. A man and a woman can do anything dem want as long as no anus is involved”

Anonymous 4: “No, man and woman can do anything even in the bottom”

Anonymous 2: “If yuh dweet inna woman bottom, yuh a still ‘IT’. My youte you a IT”

“IT” in this case was used to refer to homosexuality. The conversation got even deeper but in sticking to the point that is all I will share.

Rasta: “Before we get personal let us look at the wider issue from an intellectual perspective and define the…..”

He went on and on but did not answer a single question. Why did he so obviously avoid the question? Could the Rasta be a consumer of the “Porky”?

Pablo: Well I don’t support it. Based on my culture, how I grew up I just despise the idea. The women I have been with were able to climax without oral intervention (inserts rant about sexual prowess here). Also the smell of the Vagina I have encountered isn’t very pleasing”

Personal hygiene is very important.

So based on this pilot survey a whopping %70 of respondents are supportive of cunnilingus. Not all the responses can be noted here but when in a group I observed that men are more likely to oppose oral sex. It was also noted that when one individual confesses, the others present are more likely to have an open mind regarding the topic. I would like to do a follow-up using females, at the end of which I may express my personal views.

Sex has become like an extreme sport. Persons are doing “weird” and abnormal things to find pleasure. Is this associated with pornography and sexual promiscuity? The “ordinary” now appears boring and new fields are being explored. There are even talks about scheduled meetings of the anus and the tongue! That sounds very disgusting, but will it, 20 years from now? Sex was designed for a man and his wife, what they do in the bedroom is really their business, but even so, should there be a limit? Lets talk about it, what are your views? Comment below. Men, please click an answer below so we may have much more representative data.

– Aldeam Facey 2015

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John Golding Road: I love What They Are Doing Here!

It is hard to imagine how the disabled living within the vicinity of the Sir John Golding Rehabilitation center (home of the physically challenged) and neighboring communities get around considering the roads and sidewalks were apparently not built to accommodate the disabled! The sidewalks leading from Papine to the rehabilitation center was hardly sufficient to walk on so the disabled traveling using wheelchairs would have a very challenging task commuting.

Work on the sidewalk from Elletson Flat to Irving gate UWI started about the end of 2014. It is unfortunate that the Job was not completed in time as the death of one of our artists could have been avoided. Marlon King, a jewelery maker, was hit and killed by a JUTC bus January 29, 2015 as he traveled along John Golding Road in his wheelchair. He was not able to use the sidewalks due to the accumulation of garbage at the entrance of Mona Common in combination with the then distasteful condition of the sidewalk. His death was an accident that could have been prevented.

After his death, work on the sidewalk has been expedited and now it is almost done, see the images below:

John Golding Road (3)

There were electricity poles in the middle of the   sidewalk which made it impassable for the disabled. It would have been quite costly to remove all the poles. This is the method they used to solve the problem.
There were electricity poles in the middle of the sidewalk which made it impassable for the disabled. It would have been quite costly to remove all the poles. This is the method they used to solve the problem.
Garbage disposal site. Mr. King died here.
Garbage disposal site. Mr. King died here.
Looking very good so far
Looking very good so far
Cause for concern?
Cause for concern?

Vendors are already making use of the sidewalks! I personally observed a disabled man using the road instead of the sidewalk here. I am not certain whether or not it was because of the ‘barrier’ established by the vendors, but this needs to be addressed fast!

It would also be nice to have some feedback from the disabled especially regarding any possible suggestions for improvements or concerns.

– Aldeam Facey 2015

Here Is Why You Should Not Eat Pork

A week ago I was at a breakfast, I was careful to inquire about the meat kinds served as I requested that no swine be served at my table. Unfortunately, the consumers of swine out-numbered me 6 to 1 and though I was the only man at the table, the head, the ‘gender in charge’, the chosen leader, authority was usurped and as a result swine was the primary meat served. They encouraged me to try it as they claimed: “A half of your life is gone” or “A di best meat dis eva!”. I had my ackee with salted cod fish and escoveitched fish as they slowly savored every bite, looking at me as they moaned with pleasure, but I was not tempted, I was not swayed by the swine. Rasta nuh deal wid unclean meat!

"You are what you eat"
“You are what you eat”

There are several reasons pork should not be eaten I will state a few below:

Biblical Reason

If you are a Christian, a follower of the bible, then this reason should be substantial.

Leviticus11: 1-3

And the Lord spake unto Moses and to Aaron, saying unto them,

Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, These are the beasts which ye shall eat among all the beasts that are on the earth.

Whatsoever parteth the hoof, and is clovenfooted, and cheweth the cud, among the beasts, that shall ye eat.

Leviticus11: 7-8

And the swine, though he divide the hoof, and be clovenfooted, yet he cheweth not the cud; he is unclean to you.

Of their flesh shall ye not eat, and their carcase shall ye not touch; they are unclean to you.

Deuteronomy 14: 8

And the swine, because it divideth the hoof, yet cheweth not the cud, it is unclean unto you: ye shall not eat of their flesh, nor touch their dead carcase.

So imagine, God made us, and made all creatures and he clearly says “Do not eat so and so”, why eat it? This kinda reminds me of Adam and Eve, we really are their children.

So here is where is gets interesting.

Acts 10: 11-15

And saw heaven opened, and a certain vessel descending upon him, as it had been a great sheet knit at the four corners, and let down to the earth:

Wherein were all manner of fourfooted beasts of the earth, and wild beasts, and creeping things, and fowls of the air.

And there came a voice to him, Rise, Peter; kill, and eat.

But Peter said, Not so, Lord; for I have never eaten any thing that is common or unclean.

And the voice spake unto him again the second time, What God hath cleansed, that call not thou common.

So this happened in a vision but provided that God never changes.

Malachi 3: 6

For I am the Lord, I change not.

Can this justify God’s approval for the consumption of… anything? No. I don’t serve a confused God. Analyze the context of the scripture carefully!

Also look at it this way. One part of the bible says DO NOT EAT the other says eat what God made clean. Would it hurt not to eat it? Wouldn’t you be in the safe zone if you didn’t? Are you starving and pork is the only option? (pork is NOT cheap!)

It is also significant to note that Jesus was a Jew and as such would not eat pork. So before you take another bite just ask: What would Jesus eat? I’m just following Jesus that’s all.

Health

Taenia Solium is the adult tapeworm found in contaminated pork. Please note that almost 70% of pork meat is contaminated. The larvae of the tapeworm causes “cysticercosis”. This is usually caused by ingestion of the eggs (ova) which was passed in the stool. The larvae can cause neurocysticercosis if it gets to the central nervous system.

The very dangerous bacteria Yersinia enterocolitica, according to research published in 2012, was found to infect most samples of pork! If pigs are properly raised, killed and prepared, the likelihood of infection decreases but the risk is significantly higher when compared to other meat kinds.

I am not saying eating pork is sinful. I am not saying you are going to hell for eating it! I just want my fellow brothers and sisters to live a happy healthy life, pleasing to God.

Feel free to share your views below.

– Aldeam Facey 2015

Poem: My Very Expressive Neighbors

I’m not one to count the strokes of life,

Not the curious cat who listens to his neighbor’s wife.

I’m not the one who opposes shouts of affirmative confirmation,

But at three in the morning, I would prefer silent meditation.

I’ve never met you personally, but I already know your name,

And with shouts of “Oh Lord” and ” Oh Jesus”, I know our God’s the same.

Just hearing the sounds I know this man is very clever,

He knows exactly where to put it as he shouts “A de bess sumthn dis ever”.

I didn’t know that cocks crow this early,

But based on his crows I know the gate is pearly.

Patiently I wait for the pearly gates to be shut,

But they seem to believe they live in an isolated hut.

They don’t appear to realize that children are around,

Who will wake mommy or daddy asking “why are they making that sound?”

I’m not one to point you out in the crowd.

But my dear neighbors, you are way….way too loud!

– Aldeam Facey 2015

Robot Taxis: What Would We Do Without Them?

Robots. No, I speak not of the technologically advanced machinery designed for leisure or pleasure. I speak not of the complex combination of metals controlled by a computer software. I speak of the men who risk their freedom, their lives, their everything to take the stranded home. Okay, so again I make have exaggerated just a bit. But we all know the ‘Robots’ – the illegal taxi (public passenger vehicle) operators, the men trying to ‘eat a food’ while playing hide and seek with the police officers.

Caught!
Caught!

Legal taxis have a red license plate, government vehicles have yellow plates, demonstration vehicles have blue plates, commercial vehicles have green plates and white for private passenger vehicles. Where there are white plated vehicles operating as taxis, we refer to them as robots and this is an illegal activity. Robot taxis are very common in Jamaica, I see them everywhere I go. While I do not support illegal activities, I have found that the activities of these robots have become quite necessary. The community where I lived most of my life has a ‘transport system’ run completely by robots. So much so, that if a red plated vehicle drives by in hopes of getting a few passengers, the passengers would be reluctant to enter that strange machine.
I also realized that in the corporate areas, at nights the legal taxi operators are not present in numbers significant enough facilitate the transport of passengers, the robots are usually present to rescue.
The big problem exists when they are caught by the police. Whenever police men are around, numerous persons are unable to travel.

Police
So why don’t the illegal operators get a ppv license plate?

The observer reported back in May, 2004 that taxi drivers were switching from red plates to white plates to avoid harassment by the police. It was reported that 70 persons made the switch. It appears the police are more vigilant of the red plated cars, which puts them in the spotlight.

Drivers may also be refusing to get a ppv license plate because of the difficulty associated with the application process. It is very time consuming and frustrating. Given that the transport system is not optimized, there are often not enough taxis to ensure the timely flow of passengers, couldn’t they speed up the process of the application? Those who actually are successful often times use unconventional methods. Thorough checks are quite necessary, car fitness is definitely an integral part of the process. But the entire system is corrupted. Did you know that you can purchase a certificate of fitness? A lot of work needs to be done to fix this messed up system.

The approach the government has taken to eradicate the robot operators makes no sense. Passengers can now be charged as much as 100,000 JMD for using the services of a robot taxi! Do you have any idea how much fish-back that could buy? Where there are no legal taxis available, what choice do you have?

I personally believe every passenger vehicle should be legal. For the safety of the passengers, and for accountability. However, the law enforcers should be a little more lenient in cases where no legal taxis are available. At least until the transport system is better regulated.

-Aldeam Facey 2015

Portia! Quick! Cover Your Holes He Is Coming! – Why Barrack Obama Should Tour Jamaica

The historic visit of the leader of the free world is just hours away. The president is expected to arrive Today Wednesday April 8, 2015. ‘Barrack Obama’ is on the tongue of every man, specially selected roads are being fixed, planned events are being postponed access to various areas will be restricted. Are we getting ready with this much urgency for the second coming of Jesus? Are we fixing the roads to our hearts so that Jesus can walk in without having to struggle through our potholes of sin? mmh something for us to think about.

Barrack Obama (Photo credit - http://blog.heartland.org)
Barrack Obama (Photo credit – http://blog.heartland.org)

You may be familiar with the constant demonstrations for better roads which always seem to go unheeded, the claims of the government that the funds are not available, the rising taxes to cover the government’s budget. Well in my entire life I have never seen more road work being done as I have seen in the Kingston 6-7 area! Roads are being paved at the speed of light and work will continue until the president arrives. Imagine that Jamaica, where people sleep at nights, men are working around the clock!

I understand, however, you can’t have the president of THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, riding, bumping in “Portia’s” many holes! But what I would have liked the president to do is tour the entire island.You would be surprised to see how fast the roads are fixed. Jamaica as a nation is very proud and no one would like the ‘negatives’ to be exposed. But what really are the ‘negatives’? People selling along Heroes circle? Weren’t they there for many years? Why not provide more presentable stalls for them? What is going to happen when the president leaves? Will they be allowed to restart their businesses?

With the resources the USA have, they already know what the LIFE OF A JAMAICAN is like. There is no need to hide as assessments were already done prior to the president’s visit. When I first heard of his upcoming visit to UWI, I thought it would present a great opportunity to take some pictures for my files. As it turns out, I am not worthy to see his face and even if I had a DSLR camera with powerful lens, it may not be a good idea to point anything at him!

I want Barrack Obama to visit the country, the deep rural parts of Jamaica where people have been begging for roads for decades, tour the hills of Giblatore, drive around Bog Walk gorge, make a visit to Tivoli, meet with people on the streets, not just the “vetted few”. I would like him to go to St Elizabeth and talk to people who use words such as “whae” and “bae”, places where “whae baeng deh deh” and “a Fufah whun” form a full sentence. I would like to see him take the bus, have a Loada man give him a seat, I would like to see him tour Jamaica EVERY corner as I’m sure, one tour will fix our land.

Of course, this is wishful thinking, it will never happen but I hope the meetings will be beneficial significantly, especially considering the efforts made to accommodate him for just a few days. I do hope that despite the power and influence he has, we would not be swayed by his every recommendation. The LGBT groups have been making their appeal, let us see how that goes.

I think he would really enjoy an authentic Jamaican experience, but this time it’s all about business. Next time I guess President Obama, next time.

– Aldeam Facey 2015

WhatsApp: The Dreadful Blue Tick

I don’t think its necessary to define WhatsApp, but for those who are not familiar, it is a mobile application which allows free communication if there is an Internet connection. The application is now being used by hundreds of millions of persons world wide. The application rose to popularity so that even Facebook developed an interested and eventually acquired WhatsApp for 19 billion USD! The idea of “free” communication is one that most persons find appealing but is WhatsApp a blessing or a curse?

WhatsApp Logo
WhatsApp Logo

WhatsApp displays a tick when a message has been sent and two ticks when it has been received. Recently WhatsApp has introduced a few new features, you can now make calls and the ticks turn to blue when messages have been read. Does that remind anyone of a certain ‘r’ in the messaging app of a certain fallen company? Not calling any names here. For some persons these new features are a blessing but for me it has only led to pain and misery.

I don’t know if I have some kind of disorder or something, but I like my notifications bar clear. The annoying thing I notice with WhatsApp Is that whenever you have a new message, it doesn’t matter how many times you swipe away the notification, it pops right back up! My solution to this is opening the message even if I have no time to read and respond. The second party then assumes I am ignoring their message. Most of my contacts are females and you may already know that logic fails to prevail where emotional females are concerned (don’t kill the messenger kill the message). Try convincing one that you actually were not ignoring her! It would be easier to get a Seventh day Adventist to believe Sunday is the actual Sabbath (It’s so not).

Now WhatsApp has a brand new calling feature! Many of you had already activated it. In anticipating the issue I would have with this new feature I refused to click the links to activate that I had received. Somehow however, it has been activated on my phone! The hidden permissions these apps have yuh si! So now everyone can ‘see’ when you are online and call! If you refuse to answer said call then Portia’s wig will be torn off! I am really tired of tearing Portia’s wig.

This movement in communication really lacks substance. I have observed that persons tend to reply even when busy just so that the second party does not assume they are being ignored. These replies are usually what I would call “lying acronyms”. These include ‘LOL’, typed with a very straight face or ‘DWL’ with a little smile. Sometimes the response is a laugh in the form of a voice note! You expect me to believe you held your laugh until you were able to press the ‘voice note button’? To that I say, TSK.

The bad thing about responding when busy is that you may encounter a real chatty person. Have you ever had a conversation with someone on WhatsApp where every response is a question? This is an example:

Lory: The Mighty Beast! Whats up?

Me: Hey Lory. mi gud enuh. Hope all is well with you too.

Lory: Yes I’m fine! Its been a while tho. How’s school?

Me: School is ok. Thanks for the hail, was nice hearing from u.

Lory: So, how’s your supervisor?

Blue tick blue tick….

Lory: Did I strike a nerve?

Blue tick blue tick…. Looses friend…

I have heard of persons turning off their wifi, checking their messages, then turning on their wifi again to prevent the blue ticks from appearing on the sender’s phone! Who really has time for such childish things though? I respond when possible if not, wait! I am so tired of people trying to force a response! That is why some responses really lack tact and sweet sweet Deamy becomes the ‘meany’.

My Appeal

Dear WhatsApp,

Please remove that ‘seen’ tick, its really making me blue.

Regards,

– Aldeam Facey 2015

A Scientific Analysis of the Reason Jamaican Men Cheat

The very interesting song by Christopher Martin “Cheaters Prayer” is a prayer to God to help him not to cheat on his faithful girlfriend. He also requests that if God (the supernatural being who created the world) cannot stop him from cheating, then he should prevent him from being caught! Based on this song Chris is basically saying he has no self-control. Mhhh could Chris be on to something here?

So, you’re a beautiful woman both inside and out. You have everything going in your favor. You are faithful to your partner and would do anything for him. You find out one day that he cheated, you don’t understand why and it hurts even more if you realize the person he cheated on you with is so very unattractive. You are confused, you question yourself, your value, you question everything. I am going to explain the possible reason your spouse cheated from a scientific perspective.

Please note that this does not justify the act or indicate in any way that I support it.

Research was done on the sexual relationships between drosophila flies. I will briefly summarize. So the female fly was placed in a confined space with several male flies and it was observed that she mated with one male fly. On the other hand the male fly was exposed to a similar environment being in a confined space with several female flies but this time the male fly mated with several female flies. The reason this happens can be summarized in one phrase “Natural Selection”. The flies have a very short lifespan and one fundamental aim of living organisms is to ensure the continuation of their progeny.

Now if a fertile female mates with a fertile male, there is a chance she will produce an offspring. Now if the female mates with multiple males the chance does not increase given that she has “fixed” reproductive cells. Simply, if a female mates with 10 males it is likely she will produce 1 child belonging to 1 of the 10 partners. By contrast, if a fertile male mates with 10 fertile females he is likely to produce 10 offspring. Therefore, it is more beneficial for a male to have multiple mating partners while the opposite is true for females. This is what those ‘sciency’ people call ‘sexual conflict’.

Drosophila
Drosophila

Now research on the said drosophila flies also found that the lifespan of the female flies decrease with increasing number of mating partners! In humans, it is very similar, increasing numbers of partners increases the chances of a female developing cervical cancer (because of HPV). It is also easier for females to contract HIV but that’s another topic.

In choosing a mate, females in the animal kingdom tend to be more selective. Female giraffes prefer males with longer necks (more dominant). Male birds are more attractive/colourful and they use this to attract females (I guess female birds want pretty babies). These are defined as secondary sexual characteristics and are a part of sexual selection. If a male does not have the desired secondary sexual characteristics, females will not mate with him and his genes will die out. Males are not as selective, as long as the female is fertile he will mate with her. The female giraffe will pee into the mouth of the male giraffe, the male can tell if she is on heat from the taste of her pee. That is pretty much all the male giraffe wants to know, your pee taste good, you’re mine!

What are the secondary sexual characteristics in humans? Mating, according to research provides significant level of pleasure to the participants, this ensures that humans will continue to mate despite the desire to reproduce. When it relates to sex and just sex, men just want a young fertile lady, it doesn’t matter if she is rich or poor, intelligent or otherwise, nothing really matters. The males desire to mate with a female is however emphasized if her figure indicates fertility (small waist in relation to hip).

Traditionally speaking Jamaican women tend to be attracted to tall, big, older, more confident alpha males. Is that the major sexual characteristic now? Well, how about money? Nowadays if you have money you could be a small guy, a young guy, a shy guy or just a Bop from the Gully, you will still attract females even though they prefer the aforementioned features.

Jamaica is a tropical island. We do not experience significant variations in the weather and especially with summer upon us, it gets quite hot at times. As a result, we do not dress as the Eskimos, female clothing tend to facilitate rapid cooling. Majority of our population also is of a West African decent and as a result, our ladies tend to be blessed with curves and huge hips which are indicators of fertility. This combination leads men into temptation.

So how do you prevent your partner from cheating?

Well, that’s a tough one, but I think I have a simple answer I am sure you will disagree with. But if your partner is a cheater and that’s his intention, there isn’t much you can do to stop him. My solution is this; you should figure out what you want and make a decision to face the consequences. If you meet your partner and become involved with him knowing he was initially with someone else, be prepared, he will cheat on you too. If you want a macho guy that all the ladies are drooling for, a guy you always have to have your eyes on in fear another girl will try a ting, then go right ahead. But if you want someone who will never cheat, someone who will be yours forever (or until you decide), someone with whom you can feel secure knowing he will not hurt you then here is what you do. Go for that unattractive man no other girl wants, that guy who couldn’t cheat even if he wanted to, that man who would do anything for you knowing that its only through grace that he is with you. Problem solved, you may leave your thank yous in the comment section below.

Finally, as humans we are the most intelligent beings on this planet. Our brain gives us the ability to choose despite feelings. Cheating is a choice and not an innate need. So while our sexual desires may give us the inclination to mate with multiple partners, it is our duty to allow reasonable logic to prevail.

Gentlemen, don’t cheat on your spouse, you would have a fit if she cheated on you.

-Aldeam Facey 2015

The life and Death of Gully Bop’s Tooth: A Chew Story!

Gully Bop is the name of a Dancehall artiste who has had a sudden rise to fame after an amateur video of him performing went viral. Within a few months he transitioned from being homeless to performing at arguably Jamaica’s biggest stage show, Sting! Physically speaking, Gully Bop is not the most well groomed man you had ever seen and possibly not the most handsome you had ever met either (I’m trying to be nice here). However, these are the features which clearly distinguishes him from the scores of other artistes fighting to excel. His most unique features are his teeth – or the lack thereof. I could just imaging what his teeth had experienced over the years.

Gully Bop
Gully Bop

From a tooth’s point of view:

“Hi, I am Fronty – Gully Bop’s front tooth – and I was the last 1 standing. I remember years ago when I was born, there were 32 of us but life was so hard. Sighs. I remembered when we all had to sell our enamels just to buy a little calcium, shed our plaque just so our master could eat. Our master refused to take care of us, but we understood, as fortune was not on his side. Sometimes we were fortunate enough to get a little food from the dump and we would have fun masticating it. I would slice a piece of expired bun and throw it over to Sidey and finally Sidey would pass it on to Backy. Sighs, oh Backy, I miss that fat dude. Even though he smelt so moldy that we often called him Molar lol (tears). He was the first to leave us. Backy had very rocky days before he fell. The most saddening thing is that when we fall, no tooth fairies come for us, no wand wielding, tooth carrying, gravity defying beings come for us. There is no one willing to leave a dollar under master’s stone when we die, in memory of us.

Sidey stood by me through thick and ‘tin’, for we had to learn to bite through tin cans as well. There are nights we would beg to be brushed, but neither the willingness, the resources or the interest was there. In cold nights we would cover ourselves in plaque just to keep ourselves warm. But whenever you find a plaque to keep you warm at nights, he will use you and cause you to decay. Most nights after being used I felt like a cheap tooth! Master water down and dilute sidey, master hide the colgate from the youte, but the youte dem hold dem root!

One day there was a mighty earthquake. I could hear Sidey shaking, he was going down. I held him close to me

Me: Sidey, hold on!

Sidey: I can’t, the gum is not too strong!

Me: Hold on to me with that sticky stuff that surrounds you, it will support the gum, at least for 30 seconds twice per day!

Sidey: *Sobs*

Me: Don’t wimp out now, you can do it, just 30 seconds of holding me twice per day, sure its a little intense but… Sidey…. Sidey!!! NOOOOO!!!

…..

I was the only one left. I was so lonely, but at least now I had good food and colgate. To add to the satisfaction I often feel a tongue or two rubbing against me so I know someone cares. If only I had my brothers back, life is not happy without them. Even some synthetic, replacement brothers would do, but master doesn’t seem interested in making me happy, such a hype and selfish man he had become. Just to make life worth living, I would sing to entertain myself:

Dem oda teet nuh have root like me.

Dem oda teet nuh nyam food like me.

Dem oda teet nuh bite ‘chin’ like me.

….. I miss dem oda teet.

I got tired of living, so while being cleaned, I wrapped myself in the dental floss and I would not let go! I relaxed my root  and away I flew, never to chew again.

I write this to you from fairyland. I was the only one rich enough to make it here.”

– Aldeam Facey 2015

I INTERVIEWED A HOMOSEXUAL: IT WAS A VERY ‘FUNNY’ CONVERSATION

The last blog article posted was very controversial. Several friends opposed the very idea of homosexuality, expressing very passionately that “Batty Bwoy fi ded” while others argued for equality. Conversations got very heated and many persons were offended.

The article caught the attention of a certain gentleman on facebook via a group which was created to discuss issues relating to Jamaica. Upon inquiry I was surprised to see him openly confess that he is a homosexual. I took the opportunity to ask him a few questions that have always puzzled me. For the purposes of this blog and to ensure his privacy is not infringed, I will call him “Elton”. I tried to remain as neutral as possible to prevent possible arguments.

The conversation was as follows:

So Elton made a comment based on something I said in the previous article regarding exposing children to homosexuality, I responded:

  • Aldeam Facey I think the exposure will influence their decision from an early age.

 

  • Elton oh okay. so at what age did you make the decision to love girls Aldeam Facey

 

  • Aldeam Facey Well Elton I never had my first girlfriend until i was 18 but i had always been attracted exclusively to females
  • Elton thats wonderful..god forbid u had been “exposed” to homosexualty at an early age you would have found ur first boyfriend at 18 instead?..im asking.. because it seems to me thats what ur suggesting..

 

  • Elton let me ask in planer terms. do you believe that if you even for the slightest were enlightened about homosexuals as you are now when u were smaller, you might have been gay ?

You see what he did here? At this point I could tell this dude is smart. Knowing that I’m not the best at debates I avoided arguments at all cost. 

  • Aldeam Facey Fig thats where you were going… had I been exposed I would probably have a different view which would be in contrast to my religious beliefs.

 

  • Aldeam Facey That all depends on the type of exposure… thankfully I was never exposed

 

  • Aldeam Facey I take it you believe Homosexuality is not a choice …Am I correct?

 

  • Elton well im gay. I didnt choose to be.. so i speak from a place of experience. unlike u who acknowledge that you are pretty much ignorant to this..except for what ur ” infallible ” bible tells u

WHHHHOOOAAA! (That was basically my response when he came out). “Infallible” I think its safe to assume he is not so much into the word. I saw an opportunity and I took it.

  • Aldeam Facey I have never had a conversation with an openly gay person before. Please don’t be offended that I have a ton of questions

 

  • Elton I never am. ask your questions

 

  • Aldeam Facey Did you feel attraction for other boys/girls (“Elton” can be male or female I hope you are male tho) initially? meaning as long as you can remember?

 

  • Aldeam Facey If you had a choice would you choose otherwise?
  • Elton i remember in primary school being extremely attracted to this little indian boy in my class.. so much i couldnt wait for the weekend to finish so i could go see him again,…as long as i can remember i knew i was “different”

I found this so very creepy. Imagine the poor little Indian boy, wonder how that turned out.

  • Aldeam Facey Are you harassed because of your sexuality?

 

  • Elton maybe if i was given this choice when i was struggling i would have taken it.. but i have accepted who i am and have become to love me for who i am , so no.

So he was “struggling” maybe he actually believed/felt that it was wrong, But has now accepted certain beliefs (eg rejecting the bible) in order to be comfortable with his lifestyle.

  • Aldeam Facey how does your family feel about it? (assuming you are a Jamaican living in JA)

 

  • Elton I am harassed.. once my sexuality is known, especially online. i was harassed in high school… bullied, name calling. harassment now is not so much maybe because of my caring family and being resourced enough to avoid it

Its not cool that he is being harassed. But you know what they say, no fish like a rich fish

  • Aldeam Facey ahhh! Good (that u are able to avoid it)
  • Aldeam Facey do you believe you can be both gay and have religious beliefs? given that most religions oppose the lifestyle?

 

  • Elton yes. i know many. You may believe chrsitianity oppose homosexuality, but there are people, christians, theologians, who pull from a the bible the very basics of the gospels and have church on that… beside them there are many among u in the pews who are gay and believes firmly in god.

Say WHAT! Bold statements Elton, very bold statements. To believe that a pastor would preach a “basic sermon” so as to not preach against himself! This world!

  • Aldeam Facey WOW! Christian gays ….contradicting terms
  • Aldeam Facey Do you believe homosexuals in Jamaica should be able to get married? esp with the dominance of the Christian groups

 

  • Elton im not big on marriage. Jamaica must move towards changing its culture of hate towards gays first..jamaica has a high divorce rate anyways.. 1/3 youths are jackets.. marriage is overrated

mmh some truth here! 

  • Elton contradicting to you.

 

  • Aldeam Facey This question may be a little weird …I mean no offense ….but how do you Identify each other? say u c a guy n u interested…how do u know he is not str8!!

 

  • Elton how do u see a girl and know she is straight? this dilemma is not just confined to gay men. how do straight men handle it.. i guess we do in the same way

 

  • Aldeam Facey sometimes I can identify a gay woman (well by assumption) but not always….All the women I approach are str8…. but good to know

He doesn’t give ‘straight’ answers in most cases. But can one expect ‘straight’ answers from a gay man? 

  • Aldeam Facey Given the significantly higher frequency of hiv in the gay community…Is this a major concern to you?

 

  • Aldeam Facey Oh what do you think about Prof. Bain’s dismissal?

 

  • Aldeam Facey Do you think that we (str8 ppl) are now being harassed or treated unfairly for expressing our opinions?

 

  • Elton HIV should be a concern to everyone.. especially jamaicans where its researched and documented that sodomy laws drive these rates.

 

  • Elton like u i await the courts decision. the organization he headed is no long around. i think the message was clear from those with invested interest

 

  • Elton u said that as if all str8 peope have an issue. No i dont think so…but bigotry should be called out.

 

  • Aldeam Facey wouldnt that mean str8 people will become the minority where vocal freedom is concerned?
  • Elton thats a silly question.. did white people become the minority when blacks fought for freedom?

 

  • Aldeam Facey well re bigotry I also believe we Jamaicans are a bit too aggressive towards Homosexuals and i think thats because we dont really know u …which is y m asking so many questions
  • Aldeam Facey I’m obviously not as open minded as you are but I’d like to do some research on this issue

 

  • Aldeam Facey possibly an investigation of the presence of xxy chromosome frequency in male homosexuals

 

  • Aldeam Facey oh one last question do you feel absolutely nothing when you see a voluptuous Jamaican woman?

Its so hard to believe that he doesn’t! Jamaican women look good enuh!

  • Aldeam Facey have u ever tried dating women? I mean when you were younger? Women are real cool enuh

 

  • Elton before anybody writes an article like what u did.. the least u could have done is research..when u write things like that it does add to the fear mongering.. it would serve better if u had written a piece that tells truth or as u said enlighten those who are in the dark

 

  • Elton well ur lasts set of questions can be answered if u substitute women with men… ie. have u ever tried dating a man? do u feel absolutely anythinng when u see a stud? Ur answer to these questions will give u my answer

 

  • Aldeam Facey Getting answers one of the aims of the article… There will definitely be a follow-up there is much truth in what I wrote what I don’t know I phrase as questions….. I guess I have your answer…. I never look at men that way… I guess I’m enlightened now… You don’t really answer questions directly tho but I got the answers via deduction… Its really interesting hearing your views
  • Aldeam Facey Just a bit of advise…. Be very careful where you come out…. Jamaica is nowhere near ready.

Feel free to share your views in the comment section below.

-Aldeam Facey 2015