June 2015 – Life of a Jamaican

The Best Place To Buy Food At The UWI Mona Campus

The University of the West Indies, Mona Campus, is the largest and most recognized tertiary institution in Jamaica. The campus accommodates thousands of local and international students of varying cultural backgrounds. It becomes quite necessary for the university to provide many dining options to facilitate the students’ diverse palate.

It is very hard to find a place to purchase food that is easy on the pocket, great tasting, and has fast customer service. In most cases you have to choose two of the three options. Below are a list of the places you can purchase cooked food on campus and their raking. The list below is very subjective and is completely based on my personal experiences. The prices, menus and service stated are subject to change at the discretion of the business.

1. Yao UWI

Yes, Yao UWI branch is still in business, unbelievable?…..believe it! In my opinion this is the worst tasting food you can buy on campus. This is not an attempt to degrade the quality of food Yao, the Chinese fast food franchise provides, as its Sovereign branch makes a superb sweet and sour chicken that not only keeps me coming back for more, but is one of the reasons I am not a vegetarian as yet. If you are accustomed to the Sovereign branch, do not expect the same quality at the UWI branch, you will be disappointed. I am not the only one who has experienced this, but after eating at Yao UWI, I feel really really bloated. The good thing about Yao UWI is their fast service, and cost. A small meal cost $300 and they really pack your box! At Yao, you never have to wait very long.

Yao UWI 5/10

2. The Spot

Comparatively speaking, Yao sells more for less when compared to their neighbors, The Spot. The Spot, however sells way better tasting, Jamaican food in a comfortable environment designed to entertain. With a pool table, flat screen TV, slushes and alcoholic beverages, this restaurant truly hits, ‘the spot’. Waiting time is not optimized especially when serving a lot of customers, but the environment compensates for this inconvenience.

The Spot 7/10

3. Social Welfare

Immediately across from the health center, lies a secret most students don’t know. But those who do, more often than not give great reviews. The food (Jamaican) tastes very pleasing in a nice, closed, quiet environment. The price, though not the best for the quantity, does not put a politician in your pocket.

Social Welfare 6.5/10

4. Mae’s Cafeteria

The food isn’t very good, but the price is quite affordable. Attached to the Mary Seacole Hall, a nice environment and low waiting times the only real complaint I have is the food, which is the most important. I do not recommend Mae’s Cafeteria.

Mae’s Cafeteria 5/10

5. Bee Hive

One of the most popular places to buy quality cooked Jamaican food on campus. Opening at 7 with a diverse breakfast menu what anyone can afford, Bee Hive is thriving. You can buy fried dumplings in the morning and if you cannot afford the stewed chicken which cost $220 then you can have your dumplings with gravy for just an extra $20. With a friendly staff, Bee Hive ensures that everyone is satisfied. The biggest disadvantage with this restaurant is the waiting time. At about mid-day the waiting line may extend beyond the honey comb and the wait is very long. The price for a small meal is $340 and they tend to offer free fried dumplings in your meals to ensure nothing gets wasted. They also cater for vegetarians, offering meatless meals daily.

Bee Hive 7.3/10

6. Page’s Cafe

Pages Cafe is the most upscale place to buy food on campus. With their ‘Gourmet Thursdays’ often featuring grilled salmon and their unique daily menus, it is the spot for UWI staff members. The cost of each meal, however, is nothing to smile about. Quality food, but less than acceptable customer service and high prices kicks Pages out of the book for the number 1 spot.

Pages Cafe 6.9/10

7. Juicy Patties

Juicy is the most popular fast food franchise on campus. It is the number one choice for most students because the meals are not costly. The food sold for lunch are not very substantial but there is a lot from which you may choose. Juicy Patties offer an excellent breakfast menu including fritters, porridges, fried and cooked dumplings, chicken, callaloo and the best steamed fish you can buy on campus. Due to high demands, the restaurant has been optimized for fast service.

Juicy Patties 7.5/10

8. Bucks

A fresh look and a new name for the cafeteria located right beside the UWI maintenance department. In my experience their only limitation is their ridiculously long waiting times. In time, I trust this will be resolved, but for now:

Bucks 6/10

9. KFC

KFC – No good. The prices and the waiting times are the primary disadvantages of this franchise. The food is okay, if you like KFC. But there isn’t anything else I can positively say about it.

Everybody does it better.

KFC 5.5/10

10. The best place to buy cooked food on campus

Very recently I was introduced to this place by a friend. After trying it out, deciding which place was the best place to buy food on campus was easy as ABC. Yes, ABC Hall cafeteria, in my view, hits the spot. great tasting food, very affordable and very quick customer service. Many persons do not know this place exists as it is so far from the general campus population, but it is totally worth the walk. a small meal cost $290 and they do not hold back on the quantity. If you are able to close the box of food you receive, then return to Life of a Jamaican, for a full refund.

campus food (2) — I dare you to close it.

ABC Cafeteria 8/10

Honorable Mention

A.Z Preston Hall Cafeteria and Taylor Hall Cafeteria. Both are very affordable, food tastes pleasing and very low waiting times. Limited by their location.

Both 6.5/10

Dukkuno Deli, located along the Ring Road just across from Mona school of business, offers pizza, salads, burgers and special drinks such as the ‘Mochaccino’ which is a coffee-chocolate blend. The prices are very high so only a select few make the Deli their daily choice.

Dukkuno Deli 6.5/10

– Aldeam Facey 2015

Interdenominational Relationships: Can They Work?

When I was young, I had many interactions with young ladies of differing denominations, though extremely shy. But that was then, back in the days when I was a little handsome, when my charm preceded my corny wit, when I had many reasons to smile, when all was well with the world.

Then, I was very strong, I did not take advantage of the many opportunities that presented themselves, I was a fairly good ‘youte’. I was getting old and I thought it was time to find a close association with a female, just one female, the way it is supposed to be. I approached who would become my very first girlfriend. I was Seventh Day Adventist, she was a Sunday worshiper. We had many discussions about religion, the day we should set aside for holy time, what not eat and many more. Though we disagreed on many topics we had a good relationship, one that did not violate any commands. I am not sure why we parted but we did. We are friends now.

It is very interesting to note that my ex stopped eating pork

The primary difference between the Seventh day Adventist group and the other denominations is that we believe in the Sabbath day. When God made the world he rested on the 7th day which is Friday sunset to Saturday sunset. He blessed the day and set it aside for rest and worship. This commandment includes the household as even your servants are required to rest. Read Exodus 20: 8-11.

My next relationship started years later with a young lady affiliated with the Apostolic group and Jah know star, ashalama shalama shalama! We had a very interesting relationship. Firstly I must say that she was hands down the sexiest woman I had ever seen! Neglecting the fact that she had more curves that the Bog Walk Gorge, while with her my eyes never strayed. I was completely satisfied with her and her happiness was my primary concern. Our entire relationship was one single conversation, that never ended. quite possibly, we were too attached to each other, but I didn’t mind. I’m not an emotional guy, a macho beast is expressed in my phenotype and genotype, but I can honestly say I was deeply in love with this one. I believed we would eventually get married as we had no significant problems. We discussed differences in religion and I must say she was coming around to the truth but wanted to avoid what she called ‘apostasy’. The most significant issue was whether to raise our children as Adventist or ~~wrong~~ otherwise. I was so serious about that relationship that I had a discussion with my pastor regarding my intention to marry this lady one day. That’s when I found out Seventh day Adventist pastors cannot marry interdenominational couples.
Long story extremely short, we parted for a reason that had nothing to do with religious beliefs.

I thereafter I found that most of the women I date are not Adventist and in all cases, though very brief the interactions, we never had a significant problem with beliefs. I’ve only dated a few Adventists, awesome ladies, but again they never worked.

There is the question of whether or not you and an interdenominational partner are “equally yoked”. Obviously, where beliefs are concerned you would not be, but the same may be true for a partner who is of the same denominational group! If your partner is not pulling you away from your faith in any way, there shouldn’t be much of an issue. Remember, the possibility exist that your wife or husband of the same denomination can change their beliefs post marriage. Is that enough reason for an annulment? One must consider that differences in beliefs vary even to the individual level.

Conclusion

Though variety is the spice of life, the basis of any relationship is common ground. As such it is better to be with someone with whom you share similar beliefs. My advice would be for you to aim for a relationship with an individual who shares your beliefs. However, happiness is a critical relationship trait that must be satisfied. What if no one with whom you share the same belief makes you happy? What if no one is interested or available? If happiness can only be found elsewhere and you are able to live with differences in beliefs, then by all means, pursue happiness.
An interdenominational relationship can work, but it requires more work.

– Aldeam Facey 2015

Jamaican Landscapes

This post will be updated periodically.

– Aldeam Facey 2015

Conflict of Interest #1: Sitting Beside A Smelly Person In Church

Psalms 1:1 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.

The Church is a public place, doors open to all, but as with all public places one must be considerate of others especially where personal hygiene is considered.

So I was in church yesterday, yes, on the Sabbath day, the day set aside for rest and worship. Shortly after my arrival a gentlemen came in, apparently I was sitting in his seat. I moved aside and allowed him to reclaim his throne. He seemed to be a great guy, very interested in the word. Unfortunately he did not appear to be of perfectly sound mind – but hey, who is? My problem was that his smell was very… very strong and I was not pleased with it. I am not one to scorn a fellow and the whole aim of a Christian is to be more like Christ daily. Jesus interacted with everyone, not once is there a record of Him discriminating. But it was hard for me to sing a note or to recite a scripture. I felt as though I was suffocating. For the duration of the service I breathed out much more than I breathed in, or so it would appear. The smell stained the back of my throat, I could not even swallow my own saliva. I watched as he aggressively took care of the itch on his testicles, flinched as he raised his arm, moved to the right as he moved to the right, to the left as he moved to the left. I didn’t want to say anything as he may be offended and I did not at the moment have the resources to provide any assistance. Quite possibly he could not have done anything about it, it’s just his situation and without help it may just be unavoidable.

I sat beside him, suffering in silence until the end of the service. What would you do?

– Aldeam Facey 2015

Jamaican Nicknames

My grandmother is so nice they call her Miss Nicey, her sister is so cool, they call her Miss Cooly, their brother is so hard they call him Maas Rocky. Given that I am so awesome, will they eventually call me…. Awe-sy!?

In the lower and middle class Jamaican society, where bureaucracy and hierarchy fail to prevail, where regular informal conversations form the basis of relationships, Christian names are seldom used. In lieu of the Christian name, a name descriptive of a physical characteristic, occupation or some other defining personal trait is used. This is done because these names are much easier to remember and often times they are very funny.
Let us look at some examples
Sellers on the street are called by the names of the items they sell followed by the word ‘man’ . In some cases they are called by the adverb of the item they sell. A man selling juice will be called either ‘Juice-man’ or ‘Juicy’ (if the seller is female only ‘Juicy’ is used). There are no written rules for this form of nomenclature but a Jamaican always know the correct terms to use. If a gentleman sells mangoes in the market, he is called ‘Mango-man’ not ‘Mango-y’ because that just doesn’t sound right.
A guy passes my home every Sunday selling Gleaner magazines. I purchase from him, usually weekly, but sadly never asked his name, but when ever I see him and give him a hail ‘Gleaner-man’ works just fine. He is not offended because it defines his occupation.

Personal Nicknames
There are Nicknames not associated with one’s occupation and are purely bases on one’s character. These names follow the same aforementioned ‘rules’. If you are a tall male be prepared to be called ‘Tall-man’. If you are short it will likely be ‘Short-man’ or ‘Shorty’

There was a case where a young man was sexually abused by another person. To date he is called ‘Victim’.
The horizontal distance between the corners of a certain young man’s lips is far greater than that of the normal population, he is called ‘Fish-mouth’ When I was young a few relatives called me ‘Peas head’ or ‘Peasy’ but due to its literal inaccuracy, it did not catch on.
These Nicknames are meant to be either embarrassing or catchy and can often result in fights.

What are some of the funny or embarrassing nicknames you have been called or have heard? Comment below.

– Aldeam Facey 2015

Lady driven cars: Are they better?

So I was in a taxi the other day and a car was driving very slowly ahead of the taxi. This was ‘draining’ the taxi driver’s pocket, so he was not too pleased about it. He cursed “*hiss teeth* a mus wan woman a drive dat”. The opportunity presented itself in the form of a small gap and the driver initiated the overtaking process. Though time was not on his side, when the cars were parallel to each other the driver looked to the left and realized it was actually a man driving. To the taxi driver’s surprise he shouted ‘a weh di buh…’ as he called out to the poor guy using a noun which defines his assumed sexuality and questioned the location he received his driving lessons.

Frequently the ads for motor vehicles have written as a major pro, “lady driven”. Am I to assume that given that a lady is behind the wheel, the car is in a better condition? Is the mileage lower just because a woman is driving? I disagree. The assumption is based on the fact that women are more likely to drive carefully when compared with men, but this is not always true. The lady drivers I am associated with are not at all light footed and I I were to created an ad for their car I would include ‘angry lady driven’ instead.

Generally speaking men like the thrill of speed. They like when the vehicles they are driving ‘listen when they talk’ as it may be the only thing that does, especially if they are married. Consequently, a lot of care is given to the vehicles men drive. I can always hear them talking about it, changing tires, rims, adding lights and servicing. Women simply drive, generally speaking.

When making a purchase one of the most important things to consider is the mileage. Also important are the potential resale value, gas mileage, accident history and year of the model. Whether or not a woman drove the car is as important as the car matching your favorite shirt. Make your assessments yourself and have an independent valuation done before making a payment. Once you have selected and purchased your most suitable car, drive carefully and when you drive by try not to splash me.

– Aldeam Facey

Masturbation: The Touchy Topic

I’m sure you have heard of ‘flicking the bud’, ‘scratching the itch’, ‘rubbing one out’ or ‘taking matters into one’s own hand’. Whatever phrase you use to describe it, masturbation is a very well-known activity. Most persons are embarrassed to even speak of it, which raises the question, is masturbation a sin? Is it wrong to masturbate? When temptation arises, is it wrong to find escape in the palms of one’s self?

When I was just a young boy, many moons ago I found some strange changes were taking place in my body. Hair started to grow where bare plains reigned, the berry became blacker and suddenly the ‘weak ones’ took my strength. The boring, egocentric beings became the interesting vessel, the potential receptacle that may rule or ruin my life as I knew it. Being born in the church, holding morals so close to my heart I abstained from such temptations, but I found myself wondering “should I peel this banana plantain to satisfy my hunger?” With no one to commune with but God, who may not provide the answers needed in as obvious a manner as one would prefer, who gives us the freedom to choose and accept the resulting prize or sanctions, I was confused. Later, ministers made mention of it at church and I wrote in stone the 11th commandment: “Touch not thyself “.

But is masturbation wrong? Let us take a look at the history of masturbation.

Masturbation has been around for millenniums and many records convey various myths relating to the activity. In ancient Egypt, when the God’s masturbate it was believed to be a magical act. They believed the universe was created by the god Atum after he masturbated until he ejaculated (Are we living on a ball of hardened cum?). They also believed the flow of the river Nile was a direct contribution of his frequent ejaculations. Pharaohs, at one point, were required to masturbate ceremonially into the Nile.

The ancient Greeks thought Masturbation was a valve to release sexual frustration.This relaxed view of masturbation changed gradually as in the 1600s nannies used the technique of masturbation to induce sleep in the young boys for whom they cared. By the 18th century it was considered self-abuse that would cause an array of diseases. Medications were sold in attempt to ‘cure’ masturbation. Published articles stated that semen was an essential oil, the loss of which had a vast list of dysfunctions, including weakness. It is interesting that even today we still associate the presence of “oil” with incredible strength as during a casual football game, a hard kick of the ball is usually followed by shouts of ‘to much oil inna di back, man naa get nutn’. A sentence assuming one’s strength is negatively associated with sexual activity.

Inventions were employed to prevent boys from masturbating. Students could not cross legs in class and girls were not allowed to ride bicycles or horses because of the assumed sexual sensations. Ladies, do you get a high from riding bicycles or horses? Rumors that masturbation caused blindness, prevents growth and hairy hands were spread and these myths are widely used in comedy today. It was even believed that masturbation caused homosexuality! Like homosexuality, masturbation was a crime punishable by death in the 1600s

In the early 1900 men started to masturbate to prove false what many held as gospel. They found that it did not cause any illnesses. Given that medical care was not half as advanced back in those days and many diseases threatened lives, it was easy to make an association between masturbation and the prevalence of these diseases. They did not investigate the real cause.

Modern studies have found masturbation to be a very healthy act. The disadvantage that was found is that it prevents individuals from enjoying actual sex once they have become accustomed to masturbation.

What does the Bible say about masturbation?

Nothing.

The bible says nothing, at least not directly, relating to masturbation. Genesis 38:9 which is thought to be the first recorded method of contraception is the closest reference. The bible however clearly defines lustful thoughts as sin: Matthew 5: 28 “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” Masturbation is often accompanied by lustful thoughts and that is what makes it sinful. Can one masturbate without lustful thoughts? Verse 29 goes on to say “And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.” If this text was obeyed, I suppose we’d be slipping on bananas all day.

The covenant God made with his people required circumcision of all males. Circumcision is believed to aid in the prevention of masturbation. Could this be a deliberate attempt by God to prevent the activity?

So, what are your thoughts? Select an answer below and leave a comment.

– Aldeam Facey 2015