Uglier Girls Perform Better In School: A UWI Observation

So there I was walking through the Faculty of Social Sciences at the renowned University of the West Indies (UWI), when I stumbled upon the most atrocious sight! It was a notice board with pictures of the top students in the faculty! I looked at it from top to bottom, then, jealousy filled my heart, I burned within. I questioned myself ‘Why weren’t you ever up there?’. In my search for the answers, I noticed something quite striking. All the candidates had one thing in common! I perused carefully to ensure I didn’t miss anyone but alas! No! I did not. They were all very hard to look at for prolonged periods of time. They were what scientists would call, ‘phenotypically displeasing’. Bwoy the pickney dem ugly!

See the image below for the list of top scholars. Warning: Graphic image may be disturbing to some.


Please note that I had to blur the image, for your safety.

So Is there a significant negative correlation between beauty and brains?

Just like the world of science, you can always find information that supports the point you are trying to establish; with the right Google keywords. But, an overwhelming supply of evidence does support the claim. In a Jamaica Observer article titled “Man shortage leads less attractive women to career success: study” the study found that uglier, ape-like women, are climbing the trees to fruitful academic success. Also, on the other side of the world in Hong Kong China, a similar theory persist “Highly educated women are mocked as a sexless “third gender”“. While the proposed reason for the academic success of less attractive women is the ‘shortage of male partners‘, it is important to note that men prefer to marry these ugly women.

Okay, So the theory that education does not favor the beautiful, does exist. Let us zoom in at the UWI space. I was an exam Invigilator for a number of years and during final examinations I have monitored a wide range of students on the attractiveness spectrum. But when invigilating summer examinations I always notice that the girls are very hot. So what happens here is the filtering of the attractive girls. The ugly ones pass their exams and go home for the summer to catch up on some well needed beauty sleep while the hot ones chill at UWI and resit their failed examinations.

FST Summer School
Hot girls will be here…

Due to my amazing ‘straightness’, I was unable to determine the level of attractiveness of male students. But, given how poorly I perform in school, one can assume that the same theory may be true for males. A much larger sample size is needed for this assessment before any reasonable conclusion is made.

So, if you are a young woman who just completed your end of semester UWI examinations and you are worried that you have failed them all, rest assured that the likelihood of you being on the more favorable side of the attractiveness spectrum is high. If you completed all your examinations and you are confident that you have passed all your courses with excellent grades, please stay indoors for the summer. Thanks.


– Aldeam Facey 2016 (Satire)



7 thoughts on “Uglier Girls Perform Better In School: A UWI Observation”

  1. Wow. You cannot be serious. “Atrocious sight” “.. stay indoors”. Wow. Don’t try to defend this highly offensive post under the guise of ‘satire’. Tell me, what was the point of this post? You not only stated the name of the faculty that had that notice board, but also posted a photograph of it. Now these students will be subject to ridicule all because of a superficial jerk. Instead of congratulating these students on successfully navigating UWI life, you decided it would be fun to do… whatever THIS is. This is not satire. This cannot even be called “tongue in cheek”. This is just plain AWFUL, even by your standards. Please remember that you may have daughters one day who, God willing, will be on that Honour Roll /Dean’s List, and it would be a shame if another superficial asshole did the same thing to her. You just lost a follower.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Duuude! You are a brave one for this but is it bad that I did not know that this was a satire until you said it tho?
    Anyway, even though this article is offensive and crass and wonderfully prejudiced I do loosely see what you mean. but in my experience physical beauty is oftentimes useless without self esteem which is REALLY the factor that influences performance in ALL areas- the pretty girl can fail if she thinks little of herself and the ugly girl can pass because she thinks she is the world. It’s more mind over matter, which is what I think this article lacked.
    But It good to be controversial though, if they not talking what are we doing right?


    Liked by 1 person

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