Category Archives: Pregnancy

Conflict Of Interest #7: Impregnating Two Women At Once – Part 1

This is a true story!

So we all know cheating is a big deal business in Jamaica. You are not a real Jamaican man until you have three ‘baby mommas’ you don’t care about.

 

So Matthew, 27, met a beautiful young lady, Samantha, 22, and wooed her panties to the floor. But other than falling in bed they fell in love and formed a ‘serious’ relationship. No one expected Matthew to joke around. But there is something powerful about vajay-jays that makes Jamaican men giddy headed. Matthew met another young lady, Sasha, mother of two children, and immediately fell into her. Of course, it was an accident. This accident happened over and over on the streets of an apparently busy highway, until the evidence of the mistake could no longer hide itself. She got pregnant. Naturally, the Jamaican thing for Matthew to do is to keep it a secret from Samantha for as many decades as possible, stressing about a possible revelation until he dies of a stroke. Okay so no big deal right? Wrong! Sasha is also in a committed relationship with the ‘father’ of her babies, a man who already questions the paternity of the children ‘given’ to him, who clearly lack the phenotypical characteristics that defines a father-child connection.

Sasha, naturally is afraid to tell her partner her big secret as he uses the machete very well and his mental stability has not been confirmed. So she presented the news to him in a brilliant fashion, ‘Babes, we havin a baby! I’m pregnant, for you’. Problem solved. We will get back to this later.

Matthew continued his relationship with Samantha and four months after Sasha got pregnant, Samantha had some good news for Matthew as well. Yes, you guessed it, Samantha found out she’s pregnant!…For ‘Matthew’.

At this point I’m sure Matthew shouted the very same profane words he did while he accidentally fell into those holes without head gear.

He eventually built the courage to tell his sisters that he got two women pregnant and without a doubt it was met with much surprise. No one else knew. Sasha’s baby, Kimberly, became Matthew’s first born and is loved by Matthew’s supportive sisters. It was a sibling secret and they kept their mother in the dark regarding the birth of Kimberly.

Months passed and Kimberly grew to become the clone of Matthew. So much so that Sasha’s physically abusive spouse is now asking for a DNA test. It is important to note that Sasha is a very close friend of the family, who often stays at the family house. Mathew had to break the secret to his mother, who resides overseas. But of course, he had to deliver the message in bite sizes. He told his mother Samantha is pregnant and was about to have his baby. Matthew’s mother was happy to hear such good news so he paused there for a bit.

This is where it gets interesting…

So Matthew’s mom decided to make a trip to Jamaica to meet her ‘first’ grand child, for whom she brought many gifts. She decided to have the entire family meet up at the family house. Samantha had just given birth to Shannele and they made the trip as well. It would have been a grand and happy time for stressed out Matthew except Sasha and Kimberly were staying at the house at the time.

Sasha and the siblings knew the whole story but the siblings eventually had to let their mother know. Much to her disappointment as she had given her heart and cash to Shanelle. It is important to note that during the visit Sasha felt so left out and unwanted, that she left. But to this day, Samantha is unaware that her child is not Matthews first.

Should he tell her knowing it would mean the end of their relationship?

Should Sasha tell her spouse?

In my view, to be honest, the truth sometimes really really hurts. Lets hope this is resolved soon, without injuries.

I can’t say I am excited to see how this story ends but it does encourage me to keep it in my pants until it rots.

I am an independent observer/advisor of the events. All names have been changed for privacy.

 

– Aldeam Facey (The Real Jamaican Man) 2016

 

Conflict of Interest #6: Donating Sperm To A Lesbian Couple

A challenge that is faced by homosexual couples is the inability to naturally reproduce genetically related offspring without violating their sexual orientation or the use of a surrogate. Lesbian couples are pronounced especially around the major cities in Jamaica. Due to the gender bias that exist in the island, Lesbian couples are not targeted as much as gay men and can more often be seen together in public.

Semen

A sexually promiscuous colleague of mine, who gave me the approval to use his dilemma in this conflict of interest series, was asked to donate semen to a Lesbian couple. At first I didn’t believe this nonsense but the truth lies in the details, which I found very interesting.
So the couple wants to get pregnant right now and asked my friend to assist in the process. Upon hearing I comically asked “why aren’t they pregnant yet?” The details provided some insight. The agreement was that he would please himself and release the associated juices in a container or please himself and finish inside the vagina of each woman. What a dreadful task! They also indicated that he would have no part of the child’s life, no need to support in anyway.
Knowing how sexually promiscuous and immoral my friend is, it puzzled me to know the girls were still not pregnant. My friend said he is not sure he wants to do it as he does not want to have a baby across the world he doesn’t know about.
Aldeam: “So wouldn’t that make you a typical Jamaican man?”
Anonymous doner: “No sah mi nuh inna dat.”
I think some of my good morals rubbing off on this fellow! I wish more of our men were like that.

What would you do?

Update:

He donated!

-Aldeam Facey 2015

How to React When an Unmarried Church Sister Gets Pregnant

Pi squared plus the cube root of tan minus the hypotenuse of… Ok scratch that, there is no formula for the quantification of sin. No hierarchal structure segregating the various transgressions. There are no uptown sins or downtown sins, no sophisticated sins or ghetto sins. Sin a sin! No sin is greater than the other and we are not qualified to cast the first or second stone simply because we sin differently.

So a church sister gets pregnant. Yes, it may be a little surprising at first, you are wondering “Should I say congratulations or should I say oops?” Well here is a list of what not to say and what you may:

What NOT to say

“The blood is against you” 

Who gave you the power to put any blood against anyone?

“OMG what happened?” 

Please don’t ask such stupid questions, you know what happened. The penis entered the vagina several times until the… What am I doing? You know what happened.

“Quickly! Get married now!”

Shotgun marriages are things of the past. Don’t force people to get married, especially with the high divorce rate.

“So, you found out how the water walked to the pumpkin’s belly”

If you say this then you are an old 80 year old woman who has never had a spouse all her life and thrives on the mistakes of the young.

“Was it an accident?”

-_- yea, she just tripped and fell right into pregnancy. Again, don’t ask stupid questions.

What You May Say

“Congrats”

Children are blessings from God. Be very thankful especially for a successful birth!

“Is it a boy or a girl”

Express ‘GENUINE’ interest in the baby. Let the couple know you care.

“Is everything okay? Do you need anything?”

Offer assistance where possible.

“Can I be the Godfather/mother?”

Again offer assistance if needed.

And finally, ensure you invite your sister to church. She may be a little embarrassed, but be there to provide encouragement. Spiritual help is needed more than anything to bring comfort.

Sexual temptation is a very powerful thing and as a young man I find significant contrast between the desires of the ‘flesh’ and that of the ‘spirit’.

Flesh vs spirit (A - Facey 2013)

Whenever I see a young lady with a waist hip ratio of 0.6, a concentration of adipocytes around and over her gluteus maximus, who walks as if her spine is permanently concave, quite often my bulbospongiosus muscle does not refrain from contracting itself. So I know too well the difficulties associated with temptation. Without spiritual help, how will we overcome? Humans are not perfect, but thanks to grace its perfectly okay not to be, as we aim to be the best we can. Sexual sins, like lying, stealing and coveting the possessions of others are all opposed by God. It is therefore not fair to judge simply because an individual’s sin has been made obvious, remember God knows our every thought.

Let us encourage and assist each other to avoid sin in all its forms. Pray for the guidance of the holy spirit to direct our every actions and decisions as we recognize that alone, without God, we may do nothing.

– Aldeam Facey 2015