Conflict of Interest #1: Sitting Beside A Smelly Person In Church

Psalms  1:1  Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.

The Church is a public place, doors open to all, but as with all public places one must be considerate of others especially where personal hygiene is considered.

smelly

So I was in church yesterday, yes, on the Sabbath day, the day set aside for rest and worship. Shortly after my arrival a gentlemen came in, apparently I was sitting in his seat. I moved aside and allowed him to reclaim his throne. He seemed to be a great guy, very interested in the word. Unfortunately he did not appear to be of perfectly sound mind – but hey, who is? My problem was that his smell was very… very strong and I was not pleased with it. I am not one to scorn a fellow and the whole aim of a Christian is to be more like Christ daily. Jesus interacted with everyone, not once is there a record of Him discriminating. But it was hard for me to sing a note or to recite a scripture. I felt as though I was suffocating. For the duration of the service I breathed out much more than I breathed in, or so it would appear. The smell stained the back of my throat, I could not even swallow my own saliva. I watched as he aggressively took care of the itch on his testicles, flinched as he raised his arm, moved to the right as he moved to the right, to the left as he moved to the left.  I didn’t want to say anything as he may be offended and I did not at the moment have the resources to provide any assistance. Quite possibly he could not have done anything about it, it’s just his situation and without help it may just be unavoidable.

I sat beside him, suffering in silence until the end of the service. What would you do?

– Aldeam Facey 2015

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Jamaican Nicknames

My grandmother is so nice they call her Miss Nicey, her sister is so cool,  they call her Miss Cooly, their brother is so hard they call him Maas Rocky. Given that I am so awesome, will they eventually call me…. Awe-sy!?

Nickname

In the lower and middle class Jamaican society, where bureaucracy and hierarchy fail to prevail, where regular informal conversations form the basis of relationships, Christian names are seldom used. In lieu of the Christian name, a name descriptive of a physical characteristic, occupation or some other defining personal trait is used. This is done because these names are much easier to remember and often times they are very funny.
Let us look at some examples
Sellers on the street are called by the names of the items they sell followed by the word ‘man’ . In some cases they are called by the adverb of the item they sell. A man selling juice will be called either ‘Juice-man’ or ‘Juicy’ (if the seller is female only ‘Juicy’ is used). There are no written rules for this form of nomenclature but a Jamaican always know the correct terms to use. If a gentleman sells mangoes in the market, he is called ‘Mango-man’ not ‘Mango-y’ because that just doesn’t sound right.
A guy passes my home every Sunday selling Gleaner magazines. I purchase from him, usually weekly, but sadly never asked his name, but when ever I see him and give him a hail ‘Gleaner-man’ works just fine. He is not offended because it defines his occupation.

Personal Nicknames
There are Nicknames not associated with one’s occupation and are purely bases on one’s character. These names follow the same aforementioned ‘rules’. If you are a tall male be prepared to be called ‘Tall-man’. If you are short it will likely be ‘Short-man’ or ‘Shorty’

There was a case where a young man was sexually abused by another person. To date he is called ‘Victim’.
The horizontal distance between the corners of a certain young man’s lips is far greater than that of the normal population, he is called ‘Fish-mouth’ When I was young a few relatives called me ‘Peas head’ or ‘Peasy’ but due to its literal inaccuracy, it did not catch on.
These Nicknames are meant to be either embarrassing or catchy and can often result in fights.

What are some of the funny or embarrassing nicknames you have been called or have heard? Comment below.

– Aldeam Facey 2015