People – Life of a Jamaican

How To Get Good Customer Service In Jamaica

It is well known that Jamaica has very bad customer service, at least when relating with other Jamaicans. Customer service agents (CSAs), whether by phone or in person, make it quite obvious that your problems are of no interest to them. Could it be that Jamaican CSAs are so honest, so real, that no form of hypocrisy or pretense can be expressed? Is the pay too little? Are there no sanctions for substandard customer service? Whatever the reason, nothing justifies bad customer service. The customer is always right.

I have worked a number of years in customer service and I know how critical it is for businesses that CSAs respect their customers. I recall working for Amazon.com, every call was recorded and disrespecting a customer was an offense which warranted immediate termination. I was surprised to see how well the Jamaican agents performed! We were on top of the world, literally, where customer satisfaction was concerned. It is interesting to note that we were being paid just about 25% of the pay American CSAs were paid, for better quality work. Given that the pay wasn’t anything to smile about, what was it that kept us motivated to excel? Were we enthused with the idea of communicating with the glorious American customers who were so very nice to us? I believe it was the desperate financial need, the managers with whips at our backs and the threat of termination. I must say, however, it was not a difficult job and I am thankful for that opportunity as I learned quite a lot. I could be wrong, but I don’t believe sanctions are enforced as readily here in Jamaica when CSAs disrespect customers. It could also be due to the fact that in the USA customers are very dangerous people, they know their rights and never refrain from employing its use.

I remember my first time calling Dominoes Pizza. I was just a hungry guy trying to fill a hole of sadness with the food of gladness. I assumed it would have been a quick, easy call. I didn’t know the specifics or the offerings of the franchise and upon inquiry I was greeted with sighs and tones of frustration. I completed the order, eventually, and asked that when dealing with first time customers, she (wish I remembered her name) should be more courteous. She pretended nothing was said and replied “Wait 45 minutes for delivery!” then hung up. Yes! Hung up! Oh my heart burned within me and I declared that I would make no more orders from Dominoes Pizza. This is an example of the many substandard customer service we Jamaicans receive on a daily basis. While I would love to call the names of all the companies which provide terrible customer service, I will allow you to make you comments or share experiences in the comment section below.

I learned many strategies for dealing with angry customers. Some of these strategies can be employed by a customer who would like to receive top class customer service. It is the duty of the CSA to provide these services but given our current situation you may find these quite useful until our customer service departments are improved.

How to get very good customer service

Greet with a smile – Smiles are contagious so when approaching a CSA, smile and make eye contact. I can assure you, you will receive a much better response when compared to a straight face approach. This strategy cannot work via phone and it is dependent on the situation. If you are an angry customer, you may find this strategy very difficult.

Ask how they are doing – Some of us are just full of ourselves, so talking about ourselves is always a pleasure. Asking this question gives the CSA the impression that you care but you are just doing this so you can get the service you deserve.

Ask about their experiences – Try to get the CSA to imagine themselves in your positions. Ask: Has this ever happened to you? Imagining they are in the same position will influence them to make an increased effort to solve your problem.

Use their names – Build rapport. Yes, its like doing their work for them but having a conversation and remembering their names will make a significant positive impact.

Be brief – Most CSAs want you gone in the first minute. In some cases they are assessed based on the number of contacts they made so being brief makes them happy. Happy CSA = respected customer.

Use a little creole – They have to speak standard English (acrolect) every day all day. It is reviving to hear a little of the mother tongue. Just a little, and not while venting. It will put the CSA at ease.

Compliment/thank the CSA – Thank the CSA for a job well done. Where possible, give a commendation. It is also nice to give compliments. I remember talking to this lady who asked if I work at a radio station. I said no and she told me I had such a lovely voice, she would just sit and listen to me all day! I nearly fainted, never blushed so much in my life. That lady could have me do anything for her after that compliment! I was all hers.

If none of the aforementioned strategies work, please report CSA to manager, recommending their immediate dismissal.

– Aldeam Facey 2015

Conflict Of Interest #2: A Stranger Sends You Credit Accidentally.

Today I received $200 credit from a number I couldn’t recognize. With a pleased countenance I tried to figure out who it was that made my day. I didn’t want to call and say ‘Who is this?’ as that may be offensive if it really was a friend.

The person called, I answered, but before I could say thank you, the caller said ‘Never mind, wrong number.’ and hung up. Later I tried calling, no answer. She returned the call tonight and I told her she sent a message to me erroneously. She Said ‘okay’, then hung up. I think that justifies me keeping the credit, don’t you think? Well I wanted to return it, but based on her response, I don’t think she cares. I still feel a little awkward so if I’m going to keep it, you are all going down with me. I will send $25 to the first three (3) persons who comment.

– Aldeam Facey 2015

Why We Believe What We Believe

Do we simply accept beliefs based on our culture without personal verification?

Over the years I have noticed that humans tend to accept beliefs which justify their lifestyles. This is contrasting to adjusting ones lifestyle to conform to written laws or truths, the basis of Christianity. It is surprising however, that many Christian denominations also choose to believe based on lifestyle instead of the contrary. All this is based on the fact that we all want to be accepted, firstly by ourselves, we want to be comfortable, minimize the guilt of our consciences, which is totally dependent on one’s belief.

Look at it from a more practical point of view, homosexuals tend to be atheist, there is no such thing as a Christian gay. Pentecostal, Baptist and so on tend to ignore Leviticus 11, Seventh day Adventist are skewed towards accepting a more republican society.

Can ones belief be changed? Why do we initially believe what we believe?

Our young minds are easily influenced by those within close proximity, especially those who are older. As children we mindlessly accept the beliefs of our parents or guardians, these beliefs seldom change as we grow older. When they do change, it is the influence of experience and or research which is the cause of this change. If I was born a Jew, it is likely I’d be a Jew right now. Likewise if I was born in another church, or born in a family of atheists it is more likely that I would be apart of whatever group I was initially associated with.

But what is the truth?

I went on a quest to find the truth for myself. I was born being told that the Bible is true, that we must obey they laws, that we were made by God. Do I simply swallow the bread placed in my mouth? Or do I make attempt to verify? Not everything is known and research will continue until God comes. After studying the history of the Bible and how the books were compiled I concluded that it was as close to truth as any book we humans have available. So if this book is true, and in it lies instructions, it is my duty to obey. It is your duty as an intelligent human being to find the truth for yourself instead of mindlessly living without purpose. Based on my personal assessments the Seventh Day Adventist message is not flawed as it is based on the Bible, every part of it. Not one section is ignored even if it’s restrictions are not desired.

-Aldeam Facey 2015

“A Proper Backsiding” – Child Abuse Or a Cure For Disobedience?

A “backsiding” is a term often used, especially in rural Jamaica, to describe a spanking. This spanking is usually very thorough and is of an intensity proportional to the offense.
We Jamaicans are very angry people and a simple backsiding, where it involves the aluminum pot covers, barbed wires, chains, frying pans or ‘anyting di han can find’, may easily be classified as attempted murder.

“Aldeeeeam!”
“… Yes”
“Gwaan fi di belt an come”
“…. ”
” Mi seh gwaan fi di belt!”

A ‘sticky’ situation, a dilemma characterized by its complexity. Do I obey and accept my guaranteed, immediate reward or do I disobey and have my reward multiplied later? A tough decision I had to make as a child, a decision which became skewed in favor of immediate acceptance as time progressed.
I had a very interesting childhood, whenever I was sick with ‘disrespect’, Dr. Mommy would prescribe and administer ‘a propa backsiding’ or a ‘good buss ass’. It may sound violent, but I don’t believe I turned out too bad. Would the other techniques work? What if during my disrespect full phase my mother prescribed a time out? “Go to your room Aldeam” or “No TV” just to give me some time to think about what I’ve done. I laugh at the very thought. I personally don’t think that would work for a tough head like me, a very stubborn boy.
All the adults in my immediate and extended family turned out to be well disciplined persons, and all had been served a good dish of butt whooping.
Traditionally speaking a spanking was believed to cure the following childhood diseases:

Back talking
Teeth hissing
Disobeying
Unauthorized excursions
Child spoiling
Idling
Late home arrivals
Bad grades at school
Early pregnancy
Hard-a-hearing

And many more unpublished diseases.
Spanking ‘created’ the perfect child.

Modern society is moving towards a more passive approach to child corrections. Physically beating a child may result in a legal charge. Many, however, still hold the traditional beliefs that sparing the rod spoils the child.

What are your views? Share below.
Also share some of your experiences with physical corrections.

– Aldeam Facey 2015

UWI Examinations: An Invigilator’s point of view

I have been invigilating exams for a few years now and it has been a very interesting experience. When I was an undergraduate student I believed invigilators didn’t have much to do other than signing my receipts and ensuring I don’t cheat, but now, speaking from the point of view of an invigilator, I assure you it is a very tiring job.

Our Purpose

So the first step is to have the exam room prepared. This involves placing receipts and other materials the students need on each desk. We then allow the students to enter the room at the appropriate time ensuring they are reminded of the items which are not allowed inside the exam center. This may be annoying for some, but every day students still attempt to enter with cell phones or various forms of paper (both not allowed). Sometimes physical searching is done as well. We then hand the question papers (which are all in sealed bags) to the students approximately five minutes before the start of the exam to allow them to look through and ensure they have the correct number of printed pages. When the exam starts we collect the receipts, sign and file the original copy. The carbon copies are returned to the students when the exam is finished. During the examination session we ensure students are comfortable while we constantly look for any irregular activities or possible cheating.

The Student’s Attitude

Almost every student wait until the last minute to enter the exam center, studying to the very last minute then rush in, having less time to relax and look through the paper. Some students don’t believe that Invigilators should search or ask them anything. This is particularly true for the law and medical students who tend to be very cranky during the exam season. Students also do not like being placed in a seat, this is especially true for the social sciences students as they want to sit where they chose, randomly. This will cause a lot of problems especially if we have a full room, without order the exam session will be chaotic. Students are seated based on arrival time and are only allowed to sit in one row (sitting from top to bottom) until it is filled, the row immediately beside it becomes available. Students should be aware that cooperation is the fastest way to get ahead as we are simply doing our jobs.

The Student’s Attire

There is no dress code for examinations and students make it so obvious that there isn’t. Most students don’t really care what they wear and that’s understandable given they may be up all night studying and have no time to get dressed. I don’t believe short dresses are appropriate for exams but that’s just me, last week there was a girl in a skirt so short, I’m sure I saw her sphincter ani externus.
When it comes to the hair I believe most students can honestly say ‘I woke up like this’. When you have to study , no time for a hair do.
But on the other hand there are well-groomed students! Well dressed young ladies with make up and a proper hair do. These are the persons who believe that if they are going to fail, then they are going to look good doing it.

Interesting Stories

Insane history

A few minutes after the start of an exam last semester a young lady doing a history course asked to use the bathroom. I accompanied her outside but noticed she was going in the wrong direction. I stopped her and she revealed her true intentions. She said she doesn’t know what to do on the paper and wants to go back to her car to study. I informed her that it is not allowed as she had already seen the question paper. She continued walking to her car while I tried to stop her. Thankfully a female security was nearby, I asked for her assistance but the student again lied saying she actually wants to use the bathroom. The security and I followed her but she whispered to me “I’m never coming out”. That would have been a real inconvenience so I informed the chief Invigilator, Dr. Hyslop. Many attempts were made to get her out of the bathroom but she would not budge. It took a while but she eventually came out telling us she is sick and needs to see the doctor, we offered to take her to the health center but she insisted on having her private doctor. We did not heed to that request. She then started crying saying her mom died. Of course we didn’t believe her. The security confidentially told me she believes the student was not totally sane. We all believed something was wrong with her. What scared me though was her threat. She slowly looked at me, the cause of her pain, and said. “Yuh betta nuh mek mi see you again or mi ago run yuh ova wid mi car!” I almost peed myself. After about an hour she was allowed to leave. I marked the color of her BMW, for my safety. She wrote nothing on the paper, surely she failed

The geographical cheater

A guy doing geography was cheating. He was successful, the exam was over. But when handing back his booklet the paper he brought into the exam (containing all the answers) fell to the ground, he had left it in the booklet! Thankfully the lecturer was there to see for himself. The student was written up, of course, he failed.

The missing page cheater

Last semester a few of us Invigilators saw a young man cheating, for verification, several of us watched as he copied the answer from a paper he brought into the exam. We told the chief and took the paper from him. He said he wrote the answer in the booklet and then tore it out but checking his booklet we found it was perfectly intact. We turned our backs a few seconds and he tried to tear a page out of his booklet to confirm his story. This irregularity was reported to examination section and of course he was allowed to make an attempt to defend himself. I did not hear the final result of his trial.

Exams are still in progress, if anything interesting happens I will update this post.

– Aldeam Facey 2015

More Views on Homosexuality (Online Interview)

In yet another follow-up to the article: “BOOM BYE BYE: THE CLOSET IS FULL, THE GAYS ARE COMING OUT!”, a colleague of mine had something to say. I did not ask if he was a homosexual, I did not want to stir-up another kettle of fish but his views clearly supports the homosexual lifestyle. See the conversation below (1/4/15):

Anonymous

Sir good night

Mi feel di urge fi seh something now, bcuz of ur last two blog posts

I can give u a face to face interview with someone if u are searching for more information on the matter.

Know this, sexuality is personal experience for many, and no one man’s story is the same as another, but speaking to persons of a marginalized group is the only way to get a greater understanding before you write about them.

I too have some questions for you… What if your son was gay would u disown him? And if not but u would encourage him to change his ways because it is not right in the sight of God, according to your beliefs and he doesn’t want to what would u do?

Aldeam Facey

you have some very good points … only way to get answers is to talk to persons who are actually gay … well I would prefer a str8 son ….

i will teach him my beliefs and allow him to decide when older but if it really isnt a choice ……idk thats a tough 1

but how can it not be a choice tho…. its a hard issue to understand ……mind u …if its a choice …everybody has the right to choose enuh ….but to think persons are born that way… puzzling

Anonymous

As I said if that’s what u want it can be arranged. Gay people, well some are tired of the same narrative we see in mass media in Jamaica. U can tell a different side of the story which is why I appreciate ur blog posts. U wanting ur son to be straight is understandable

I think it’s a case of nature and nurture. And both can apply to one individual

Aldeam Facey

mmh!

thats sound like a better answer

nurture must have a part in it

Anonymous

I always (say), no sensible human being would willingly subject themselves to constant scrutiny and abuse, be it emotional or physical. No one would CHOOSE to live like that

Having a choice means u have options that are viable to you

Aldeam Facey

EXACTLY!!!

Anonymous

If he is not attracted to girls does he have a viable option ?

Aldeam Facey

y wud 1 choose

gud point there

I would like to find deeper answers ….like y not girls there must be some basic reason ….whether genetics or culture

Anonymous

Lol I can only give u my response

Aldeam Facey

Yea I know

Anonymous

And since u seem the type that might shy away from a face to face convo about the matter

I shall respond here

Aldeam Facey

lol

Anonymous

First of all, even the bible tells you, u will not understand everything. And so it is with human sexuality, it is dynamic and a different experience for almost everyone. I’m going to get grown now, I won’t use expletives out of respect for your religion. But u can’t explain why a heterosexual guy gets a kick out of eating the vagina and another doesn’t. How one can only be turned of if he pees on the girl and u did read right I said pee. Or how a guy uses something as simple as toes to determine the girl he is attracted to. PEOPLE are attracted to different things, whether it is through genetics or exposure that they are unaware of, they are.

Anonymous

Some men don’t find breast attractive, they think the vagina is repulsive. I have had convos with them so I know. They do not desire female companionship and actually find girls annoying. They cannot get a hard on for a girl, and that’s just their reality. The problem is Aldeam we can try to find out why but what avail ? To fix them?

Aldeam Facey

mmh thats true

Anonymous

Some don’t even know what caused it so how can we even begin to “fix them”. Btw I don’t believe they need fixing.

Aldeam Facey

It would be nice if everyone was of the same view but that’s never possible …. the problem is 1. LAW and 2. Living with persons who oppose

in the eyes of the law some acts are not legal

Anonymous

And which view should everyone have? And y?

Aldeam Facey

not everything can be legalized …if so there would be chaos

Anonymous

This is true, but (we) are talking about two consenting adults here, who are not harming anyone else

Aldeam Facey

well this is biased but I wud prefer if every1 was str8 … based on nature (reproduction) that’s how it was meant to be

Anonymous

Ok let me send a VN I hope u can listen

Aldeam Facey

well tru ….not harming any1 else if done privately …. but if everyone openly expresses themselves …gonna cause probs …whether its legal r not ….people will always have different views

Anonymous

0:44 – Audio Recording (regarding reproduction, some gays want to have kids as well and will do so through surrogacy, adopting or having intercourse with the opposite sex)

Anonymous

0:53 – Audio Recording ( Regarding the laws, it was once illegal for a black person to marry a white person, they would believe anything otherwise would be chaotic)

Aldeam Facey

They wud have sex with opposite gender to have kids!!! ….just to have kids …so y not continue ….how do they do it then if they have no ….feelings …you know

Anonymous

0:44 – Audio Recording ( Laws change as we become more knowledgeable)

Anonymous

Sir they do not desire female companionship

Just like a heterosexual guy performing anal sex with his gf… Is he gay? No what might ask then if u gonna engage in anal sex why not do it with a man…. Foolish, he doesn’t desire male companionship and that’s just a sexual act (that) he enjoys

Aldeam Facey

True but look at our culture ….if it becomes legal ….n the freedom is publicly expressed…. there will be blood. not everyone use logic and are willing to converse despite contradicting views

Anonymous

0:48 Audio Recording (People are willing to die for what they believe in, Ive never seen a revolution without blood)

Aldeam Facey

ohhhh got u ….I think anal sex with women strange as well ….for me it’s just the graphic thought …exp knowing the anus is an excretory organ!

Anonymous

Exactly lol… When Jamaicans think gay they think of the guy in his bedroom and what he does there

Aldeam Facey

yes!! its very hard not to

That’s why wen I think lesbians I’m like …I think its wrong ..but meh! ….but when I think 2 men ….very graphic and messy yo

Anonymous

And they have no knowledge of gay sex or anal sex and so they judge. I know u are Christian but I’m going to assume u have seen porn and least 5 times in ur life. If it is that u have seen an anal scene u will notice that the girl is very clean and nothing disgusting is coming out of her. People who engage in anal sex are aware that is an excretory organ and so they cleanse it, they buy what is called a douche and they clean themselves. They are not nasty contrary to popular belief. All of this might be graphic but it’s conversation that needs to be had

Anonymous

Another thing and I hope u blog about this !!! GAY men are NOT attracted to every straight guy they see. Just like heterosexuals they have types and don’t want everyone they see. And that’s why many heterosexuals don’t speak to gays because they feel they will “look dem” if u ask me some are insecure in themselves.

Aldeam Facey

JAH Know star!

well lol thats is true!

Anonymous

And so many things to talk about even looking at it from a patriarchal stand point and y society opposes it.

Aldeam Facey

yea …this is a very big topic globally ….it is going to be more accepted as time progresses

Anonymous

Another thing gay men are not just gully queens and shebada and effeminate men. Gay men are lawyers, doctors, soldiers, police men, thugs, bad man they come in the image of what society thinks a real man should look like. That’s the narrative I want to change. But those who can pass as straight will remain in the closet and sometimes I don’t blame them.

Aldeam Facey

oh zeeen

Anonymous

And I say that because I know for a fact at least one person from that social group who is gay.

Anonymous

And I believe that’s what society needs to see, that who they think and regard as man because of machismo are actually gay… Then what? Sexuality is dynamic and a unique experience and persons should not be penalized, abused physically or emotionally because they chose to love another consenting adult

Aldeam Facey

cool cool …my image of a gay is an effeminate man who loves fashion n is always well-groomed

n sing very well!

Anonymous

Loool at sing very well

Stereotypes and that’s y these convos need to be had

You’d probably be shocked if the truth were to be revealed to u

Aldeam Facey

lol tru

Anonymous

Some a di very same guys u pass going to Uwi gym, to church … But only the obvious ones will get the blame because they cannot or refuse to hide it

Aldeam Facey

oh zeeen! world is changing yaa!

God soon come (for those of us who believe)

Anonymous

Dare I say, gays are normal people

Loool

For those who believe indeed

Anonymous

I believe in a GOD but not the one of the bible, but that’s for a different debate and another day

Aldeam Facey

oh yes!!!! thats another big debate

Anonymous

44 – Audio Recording (Regarding ‘Elton’, when he was saying he was struggling and u said he knew it was wrong. That’s not necessarily the case struggling could mean society is telling him one thing but he is feeling another)

Aldeam Facey

anyway bro thnx for the update! Appreciate

Anonymous

No probs, knowledge is good, it makes u a better human being.

Feel free to share your thoughts below.

The final result of last week’s poll is 63% to 37% in favor of vaginal happiness.

– Aldeam Facey 2015

Robot Taxis: What Would We Do Without Them?

Robots. No, I speak not of the technologically advanced machinery designed for leisure or pleasure. I speak not of the complex combination of metals controlled by a computer software. I speak of the men who risk their freedom, their lives, their everything to take the stranded home. Okay, so again I make have exaggerated just a bit. But we all know the ‘Robots’ – the illegal taxi (public passenger vehicle) operators, the men trying to ‘eat a food’ while playing hide and seek with the police officers.

Legal taxis have a red license plate, government vehicles have yellow plates, demonstration vehicles have blue plates, commercial vehicles have green plates and white for private passenger vehicles. Where there are white plated vehicles operating as taxis, we refer to them as robots and this is an illegal activity. Robot taxis are very common in Jamaica, I see them everywhere I go. While I do not support illegal activities, I have found that the activities of these robots have become quite necessary. The community where I lived most of my life has a ‘transport system’ run completely by robots. So much so, that if a red plated vehicle drives by in hopes of getting a few passengers, the passengers would be reluctant to enter that strange machine.
I also realized that in the corporate areas, at nights the legal taxi operators are not present in numbers significant enough facilitate the transport of passengers, the robots are usually present to rescue.
The big problem exists when they are caught by the police. Whenever police men are around, numerous persons are unable to travel.

So why don’t the illegal operators get a ppv license plate?

The observer reported back in May, 2004 that taxi drivers were switching from red plates to white plates to avoid harassment by the police. It was reported that 70 persons made the switch. It appears the police are more vigilant of the red plated cars, which puts them in the spotlight.

Drivers may also be refusing to get a ppv license plate because of the difficulty associated with the application process. It is very time consuming and frustrating. Given that the transport system is not optimized, there are often not enough taxis to ensure the timely flow of passengers, couldn’t they speed up the process of the application? Those who actually are successful often times use unconventional methods. Thorough checks are quite necessary, car fitness is definitely an integral part of the process. But the entire system is corrupted. Did you know that you can purchase a certificate of fitness? A lot of work needs to be done to fix this messed up system.

The approach the government has taken to eradicate the robot operators makes no sense. Passengers can now be charged as much as 100,000 JMD for using the services of a robot taxi! Do you have any idea how much fish-back that could buy? Where there are no legal taxis available, what choice do you have?

I personally believe every passenger vehicle should be legal. For the safety of the passengers, and for accountability. However, the law enforcers should be a little more lenient in cases where no legal taxis are available. At least until the transport system is better regulated.

-Aldeam Facey 2015

WhatsApp: The Dreadful Blue Tick

I don’t think its necessary to define WhatsApp, but for those who are not familiar, it is a mobile application which allows free communication if there is an Internet connection. The application is now being used by hundreds of millions of persons world wide. The application rose to popularity so that even Facebook developed an interested and eventually acquired WhatsApp for 19 billion USD! The idea of “free” communication is one that most persons find appealing but is WhatsApp a blessing or a curse?

WhatsApp Logo

WhatsApp displays a tick when a message has been sent and two ticks when it has been received. Recently WhatsApp has introduced a few new features, you can now make calls and the ticks turn to blue when messages have been read. Does that remind anyone of a certain ‘r’ in the messaging app of a certain fallen company? Not calling any names here. For some persons these new features are a blessing but for me it has only led to pain and misery.

I don’t know if I have some kind of disorder or something, but I like my notifications bar clear. The annoying thing I notice with WhatsApp Is that whenever you have a new message, it doesn’t matter how many times you swipe away the notification, it pops right back up! My solution to this is opening the message even if I have no time to read and respond. The second party then assumes I am ignoring their message. Most of my contacts are females and you may already know that logic fails to prevail where emotional females are concerned (don’t kill the messenger kill the message). Try convincing one that you actually were not ignoring her! It would be easier to get a Seventh day Adventist to believe Sunday is the actual Sabbath (It’s so not).

Now WhatsApp has a brand new calling feature! Many of you had already activated it. In anticipating the issue I would have with this new feature I refused to click the links to activate that I had received. Somehow however, it has been activated on my phone! The hidden permissions these apps have yuh si! So now everyone can ‘see’ when you are online and call! If you refuse to answer said call then Portia’s wig will be torn off! I am really tired of tearing Portia’s wig.

This movement in communication really lacks substance. I have observed that persons tend to reply even when busy just so that the second party does not assume they are being ignored. These replies are usually what I would call “lying acronyms”. These include ‘LOL’, typed with a very straight face or ‘DWL’ with a little smile. Sometimes the response is a laugh in the form of a voice note! You expect me to believe you held your laugh until you were able to press the ‘voice note button’? To that I say, TSK.

The bad thing about responding when busy is that you may encounter a real chatty person. Have you ever had a conversation with someone on WhatsApp where every response is a question? This is an example:

Lory: The Mighty Beast! Whats up?

Me: Hey Lory. mi gud enuh. Hope all is well with you too.

Lory: Yes I’m fine! Its been a while tho. How’s school?

Me: School is ok. Thanks for the hail, was nice hearing from u.

Lory: So, how’s your supervisor?

Blue tick blue tick….

Lory: Did I strike a nerve?

Blue tick blue tick…. Looses friend…

I have heard of persons turning off their wifi, checking their messages, then turning on their wifi again to prevent the blue ticks from appearing on the sender’s phone! Who really has time for such childish things though? I respond when possible if not, wait! I am so tired of people trying to force a response! That is why some responses really lack tact and sweet sweet Deamy becomes the ‘meany’.

My Appeal

Dear WhatsApp,

Please remove that ‘seen’ tick, its really making me blue.

Regards,

– Aldeam Facey 2015

Boom Bye Bye: The Closet Is Full, The Gays Are Coming Out!

“Boom Bye Bye” is the title of a very popular song by reggae artist Buju Banton. It makes reference to the placement of a small piece of metal at very high velocity in the heads of men who find pleasure in the posterior of other men. It expresses very artistically Jamaica’s general opposition to homosexuality.

These are the last days, the closet is now full and they are bursting out. I wish I was making reference to clothing or the rotting skeletons in Eminem’s closet. Unfortunately, I make reference to the “the mud men”, “the strange men”, “the chi-chi men”, “dem bwoy deh”, “the gays”. No longer are they confined to the dark corners or the gullies, no longer do they remain silent in fear for their lives, they are bolder now. Bold enough to fight for their rights, bold enough to publicly express themselves, bold enough, to pull Portia’s tongue! Their reach is endless, they are everywhere!

For years I have wondered: Is homosexuality a sickness, or is it a choice? Is it a mental or genetic defect or is it a conscious decision? Can it be cured? The world is becoming overpopulated; is it nature’s way of controlling the population’s size? I have not been able to find an answer. Either way I believe sexual relations and marriages should be confined to a male and a female, the way God intended.

In such an anti-gay society, while majority of the residents are still very much opposed to the lifestyle, I have observed that the level of tolerance for homosexuality has increased. Back when I was in high school, there was an alleged homosexual in my class. In the first year of his enrollment at my school, he was attacked by the seniors with knives. His life was their aim but thankfully he survived the attack unharmed. There was another case more recently at The University of Technology where two males were caught making the beast with two backs roar. One was badly beaten by security. Now I see them everywhere on campus, not harmed, not attacked. This is a good thing, and while I oppose the lifestyle, I am happy about that. We do not have the right to harm anyone because of their beliefs, they should not be discriminated against or treated unfairly.

My big problem however is its impact on the younger ones and the negative influences it may have on them. We all know the recent case where the acceptance of homosexuality and the varying forms of sex was being taught to young children. I think that responsibility should rest as much as possible on the shoulders of the parents.

It took a long time for me to realize how pronounced homosexuality is in Jamaica. A very disturbing thing happened to me just now which influenced me to write this. I am all about networking, I find great value in meeting new people and engaging them as networking enhances the proliferation of businesses. A gentleman sent me a facebook friend request. We had a few mutual friends so I thought why not accept. Just one more person to whom I may send my links. Unfortunately, a funny thing happened. He sent me a message. No problem, I responded. He didn’t stop there he sent more day after day. I ignored them, giving him the benefit of the doubt. I took some screen shots and showed them to a friend and to her it was so clear that this guy was not okay. See the message thread below:

mmh...Very fishy — mmh…Very fishy…no such plans were made so I assumed he sent that by accident

Nope.. Batty Bwoy ....Delete — Nope.. Something not right here! ….Delete

After the last message I asked him if he is gay. He did not answer. What do you think? Am I being paranoid? I clicked on his profile and realized he is a married man with children so probably I’m wrong, I hope I am. If I am not, why would he send ME of all persons those messages, the guy so straight that he’s brittle, the guys so straight you’d think he’s constantly planking, why me? This world is a scary place.

Finally I’m going to leave this text with you, please search and read it for yourself: Leviticus 18:22

– Aldeam Facey 2015

How to React When an Unmarried Church Sister Gets Pregnant

Pi squared plus the cube root of tan minus the hypotenuse of… Ok scratch that, there is no formula for the quantification of sin. No hierarchal structure segregating the various transgressions. There are no uptown sins or downtown sins, no sophisticated sins or ghetto sins. Sin a sin! No sin is greater than the other and we are not qualified to cast the first or second stone simply because we sin differently.

So a church sister gets pregnant. Yes, it may be a little surprising at first, you are wondering “Should I say congratulations or should I say oops?” Well here is a list of what not to say and what you may:

What NOT to say

“The blood is against you”

Who gave you the power to put any blood against anyone?

“OMG what happened?”

Please don’t ask such stupid questions, you know what happened. The penis entered the vagina several times until the… What am I doing? You know what happened.

“Quickly! Get married now!”

Shotgun marriages are things of the past. Don’t force people to get married, especially with the high divorce rate.

“So, you found out how the water walked to the pumpkin’s belly”

If you say this then you are an old 80 year old woman who has never had a spouse all her life and thrives on the mistakes of the young.

“Was it an accident?”

-_- yea, she just tripped and fell right into pregnancy. Again, don’t ask stupid questions.

What You May Say

“Congrats”

Children are blessings from God. Be very thankful especially for a successful birth!

“Is it a boy or a girl”

Express ‘GENUINE’ interest in the baby. Let the couple know you care.

“Is everything okay? Do you need anything?”

Offer assistance where possible.

“Can I be the Godfather/mother?”

Again offer assistance if needed.

And finally, ensure you invite your sister to church. She may be a little embarrassed, but be there to provide encouragement. Spiritual help is needed more than anything to bring comfort.

Sexual temptation is a very powerful thing and as a young man I find significant contrast between the desires of the ‘flesh’ and that of the ‘spirit’.

Whenever I see a young lady with a waist hip ratio of 0.6, a concentration of adipocytes around and over her gluteus maximus, who walks as if her spine is permanently concave, quite often my bulbospongiosus muscle does not refrain from contracting itself. So I know too well the difficulties associated with temptation. Without spiritual help, how will we overcome? Humans are not perfect, but thanks to grace its perfectly okay not to be, as we aim to be the best we can. Sexual sins, like lying, stealing and coveting the possessions of others are all opposed by God. It is therefore not fair to judge simply because an individual’s sin has been made obvious, remember God knows our every thought.

Let us encourage and assist each other to avoid sin in all its forms. Pray for the guidance of the holy spirit to direct our every actions and decisions as we recognize that alone, without God, we may do nothing.

– Aldeam Facey 2015