Tag Archives: Jamaica

The Best Parish To Visit In Jamaica

There is no simple answer to the question; “Which parish is the best one to visit in Jamaica?” if you want to run away from your wife and have a secret affair for the weekend, there is a place for that. If you want to run away from your husband with your girls and feel like 21 again, there is a place for that. I won’t expand on that though because that is not the kind of lifestyle LOAJ supports. #workitout. The best parish in Jamaica all depends on your purpose. But after completing my island tour and visiting almost every free and paid beaches and attractions I think I can provide insights as to which parish is best for you.

The best parish for business

Kingston. Runner up St. James, Montego Bay.

Well duh! These are the only 2 official cities in Jamaica naturally these would be the ideal places to conduct business. With the specially designated business districts in Kingston and St. James these cities continue to grow in population and infrastructure. If your sole purpose is business you will find no better place.

Mandeville, Manchester and Portmore, St. Catherine are honorary mentions as their growth rate is significant!

Best parish for beaches

Westmoreland . Runner up St. James.

The 8 mile long white sand beaches along the coast of Negril Westmoreland is as good as it gets! Clean waters, accessible food stores and tons of entertainment. This parish is a very good place to take your side piece but an even better place to take a whole meal. St. James features some nice beaches as well and is definitely worthy of a mention.

Most peaceful parish

Year after year we note that Portland has the lowest number of homicides. If the entire island had such low numbers, police officers could work from home. It’s so pieceful that if I went there to live I’d probably be an area leader #Donfacey. While Portland is nowhere near being the best parish for business and is not a wealthy parish, it is remarkable how the murder rate is kept so low. Research is needed to determine all the factors influencing this low rate.

Hidden treasure award

Portland has some of the most incredible places of attraction! Whether it is Frenchmans cove or the Blue lagoon the list is endless. But thile the west coast is popular for tourists, it is time to look more to the eastern side as Portland has a lot to offer! Runner up, St. Thomas

Best Parish to buy weed

Ok, I have a confession. Maybe this one was posted to mess with the SEO but since you are already here. Let me give it to you. According to reggae singer Chronixx “Westmorelan have e baddest one”. Some truth here. If you want to get the highest grade in class. Westmoreland has the best teachers.

Best place to buy East Indian Mangoes

Yes I had to create this category. St Thomas. About a month ago I took my mother to St Thomas JUST so we could buy East Indian mangoes! This is the best place to buy them as they are much more reasonably priced there, and the mangoes being sold in kingston and St. Catherine are often times purchased from other vendors in St. Thomas. I don’t think I need to re-emphasize how good east Indian mangoes are! Ok.. here!

Feel good parish. St Elizabeth runner up st Portland

This is highly subjective but every time I drive through St. Elizabeth or Portland and I see the peaceful farming communities and the camera ready views I simply melt. On my island tour my first night was spent in St. Elizabeth. I literally did not want to leave! My island tour journey has been captured on my YouTube channel ‘Life of a Jamaican”.

Most balanced parish St. Catherine

St. Catherine the parish for everybody it’s good for business, there are areas of attraction for locals, a few mediocre beaches, farming communities and an excellent balance between urban and rural living. Whenever I say I’m from ‘country’ people would ask ‘what parish?’ then say ‘that’s not country’ when I tell them St. Catherine. Being one of the largest parishes in Jamaica allows for that kind of diversity. Most people in St. Catherine don’t know places like Giblatore or Top hill, but they all know Spanish Town (former capital of Jamaica) and Portmore (next city?).

Affordable get-away for locals.

Hanover. No one says let’s go to Hanover for a trip. But being right between the best parishes for beaches it is expected that you will have some attractions there. The 8 mile beach stretches into Hanover and the other few beaches on the coast are completely free. While some expensive resorts are here, among the western end of the island you can find very cheap get-away areas.

Best Parish for Tourists

St. Ann. Home to the tourist hub, Ocho Rios St. Ann is so packed with rivers, falls, beaches, craft markets, hotels and other attractions that it’s the only place a tourist needs to visit in Jamaica to have a mighty good time. It’s also a great spot for locals and the variety here keeps visits fresh at all times. This is my go-to parish for road trips.

Best parish for producing Athletes.

Trelawny. What if I told you Usain Bolt, Veronica Campbell-Brown, Michael Frater and even Ben Johnson were born in Trelawny? Is it the yam? Whatever the reason, this parish produces the world’s best sprinters.

Best parish to learn the American accent.

St. James. Runner up Westmoreland. For some strange reason many persons in this region love to bring good news in an American accent. Always informing persons of the millions they have won. Apparently with much success. It may be due to the significant interactions with tourists that makes them so eloquent in American English without ever visiting the country.

Best parish to plant bananas

St. Mary. Done know mi affi give the fire man parish a shout. The name of the parish is also the name of a popular brand of the Jamaican snack, banana chips. So much banana is produced here and they obviously thrive!

Parish with the worst road

Clarendon. Bad road is a thing in Jamaica. Every parish has it. But I made the mistake of driving on the alligator pond main road during my island tour and I will never make that error again. The road was so bad that at most areas I had to decide whether to scratch the side of my car on the thorns to one side of the road or drive through pot holes half the size of the car.

Note that these are simply my opinions based on my experiences. Share your thoughts in the comment section. Bless.

Jamaican Windscreen Washers

Much like the Loada Man, a Jamaican windscreen washer is a self employed entrepreneur who provides a quite redundant service. I have always been annoyed by these aggressive guys who force you to accept their service whether or not you need it. But it was not until I had some personal experiences with them that I realized how forceful they can be towards drivers.

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So a few months ago not long after having my car washed,  I saw a windscreen washer at a stoplight at the intersection of Hope Road and Trafalgar Road. With stained, heavily perforated, over-sized garments he walked towards my car. In his left hand he had a transparent soda bottle and in it there was a clear fluid, which I assume was water and what appeared to be leaves of a tree. No, not diluted soap; leaves! His sanity was questionable. As he stepped closer to the vehicle I knew he was coming for me. Thoughts ran through my head; What should I do? Should I scream and run? Cornered by other vehicles left me without an option. I frantically waved my hand at him, begging him not to ‘clean’ my spotless windshield. My requests were not observed as he looked at me through the windscreen and nodded ‘yes’. I waved again and shouted ‘NO!’. He looked at me again and nodded ‘yes’, with a creepy look that clearly says ‘just let it happen’. I let it happen. The light, much like our political system, just wouldn’t change to green fast enough. At the end of his session I gave him $15 and I just sat there in traffic, feeling dirty and used. He did a poor job, leaving the windscreen much worse than it was before.

Now, I’ve learned a lot regarding dealing with these windscreen washers, who may greet you with profanities or make requests for you to consume various parts of your mother.

How To Say No

  • Apparently, much like a young lady in a short skirt is begging to be raped, driving around with a dirty windscreen is an invitation to these windscreen cleaners. Always have a clean windscreen.
  • Turn on wipers as they approach.
  • Wind down windows and aggressively say no.
  • Let them know you have no money.

 

Now, while I am not a big fan of these guys, they are trying to make a living. I prefer them doing this than robbing people. So if you need your windscreen cleaned, feel free to let them do it for you. They will accept as little cash as you have. My primary issue is their attitude towards drivers, otherwise, they are tolerable. 

– Aldeam Facey 2016

Driving In Jamaica: UWI Mona To Half Way Tree via Hope Road

I love the Google Maps app, it works like a charm. But what if you could attach a video of a route? This would be a welcomed addition and I know there is ‘Street View’ but that too has its limitations. What if we all could contribute a video of a route which expires in about a year so each available video is representative of current infrastructure, road rules, pot holes etc? What if we had the option of watching a route before a journey? It would be cool to add a feature which allows you to play the video while you drive, at the speed you are driving. A video which would pause when you stop and resume when you go.

This is just an idea I had, practical or not, I know it would help me. I had to take some people somewhere for work but had no idea where to find the location. Naturally, Google Maps. I tested the route a day before the journey because if we got lost on the day of the event, it could spell disaster. I missed a turn, which we would on the day of the event had I not done a test run. I eventually found the location so Google Maps worked, but if a video of the route was available I wouldn’t have to waste my time with a test run.

So I got myself a dash cam so in the event of an accident there will be a record and I also want to get a much cheaper insurance next year… cause boi! Comprehensive insurance for a young (but not so young) man, is incomprehensible. I attached my Samsung MV800 to the dash cam’s mount and I made my first route video, see below:

 

Driving In Jamaica: UWI Mona To Half Way Tree via Hope Road

 

– Aldeam Facey 2016

The Blue Mountains Jamaica: A Quick ‘Peak’

Blue Mountain Peak is the highest place in Jamaica with a height of 2256 meters. The journey to the peak starts at Mavis Bank. You will then cross the river and initiate the thigh burning climb. It is strongly recommended that you start the hike in the night as the sun, plus a climb can be a deadly combination. Usually groups will stop overnight at the cabins at Portland gap. The journey from Mavis Bank to the cabins will take between 4 and 7 hours depending on your level of fitness. I have however seen a case where it took a young lady over 13 hours without luggage! The journey from the cabins to the peak takes 1.5 to 2 hours – again depending on your level of fitness – so in order to view the breath taking sunrise, you will have to leave the cabins about 3:30am. To better describe the experience, view the photos below:

The Journey starts in the night. subsequent photos will be in the day for you to better view the landscapes.
The Journey starts in the night. Subsequent photos will be in the day for you to better view the landscapes.

Blue Mountain at the start

Blue Mountain Crossing the river

Blue Mountain (www.lifeofajamaican.wordpress.com)

A dangerous area to walk at nights. A path just about half of a meter or less in width, very long fall!
A dangerous area to walk at nights. A path just about half of a meter or less in width, very long fall!

Blue Mountain (www.lifeofajamaican.wordpress.com)

Blue Mountain (www.lifeofajamaican.wordpress.com)

Blue Mountain (www.lifeofajamaican.wordpress.com)

Beautiful!
Beautiful!

Blue Mountain (www.lifeofajamaican.wordpress.com)

Blue Mountain (www.lifeofajamaican.wordpress.com)

DON'T GET LOST: STAY ON TRACK: NO SHORTCUTS
DON’T GET LOST: STAY ON TRACK: NO SHORTCUTS

Many scenes to capture
Many scenes to capture

Blue Mountain (www.lifeofajamaican.wordpress.com)

Blue Mountain (www.lifeofajamaican.wordpress.com)

Fog
Fog

At the Cabin

Blue Mountain (www.lifeofajamaican.wordpress.com)

Blue Mountain (www.lifeofajamaican.wordpress.com)

"A nuh nuttn fi mi walk inna Rome an start a fyah"
“A nuh nuttn fi mi walk inna Rome an start a fyah”

At the Peak

Blue Mountain (www.lifeofajamaican.wordpress.com)

Blue Mountain (www.lifeofajamaican.wordpress.com)

Blue Mountain (www.lifeofajamaican.wordpress.com)

Blue Mountain (www.lifeofajamaican.wordpress.com)

Blue Mountain (www.lifeofajamaican.wordpress.com)

Blue Mountain (www.lifeofajamaican.wordpress.com)

Just before the sunrise
Just before the sunrise

A photo, especially from a point and shoot camera, cannot in anyway grasp the true beauty of the Blue Mountain Peak sunrise! Breath taking - No really, I was out of breath by the time I got here.
A photo, especially from a point and shoot camera, cannot in anyway grasp the true beauty of the Blue Mountain Peak sunrise! Breath taking – No really, I was out of breath by the time I got here.

– Aldeam Facey 2015

Why Do Jamaican Men Love Trinidadian Women?

During a discussion with a friend of mine, we both noted that many of the Jamaican men are hunting the Trinidadian meat. It led to the question; why do we find the Trinidadian women so appealing? Is it the accent? Is it the culture? Is it …. the ‘wine’?

I never had much association with our Caribbean neighbors until I was enrolled at the University of the West Indies, Mona (UWI). UWI, your place to shine, the premier institution for tertiary education in the Caribbean, the school of the culturally integrated. I had the opportunity to engage with and learn of the various cultures in the Caribbean which are all very interesting. But one of the most striking things for me was the relaxing, erotic accent of our Trinidadian neighbors. Thats one thing I wouldn’t mind listening to all day.

I spent a year boarding at the AZ Preston hall, the hall of halls, the hall of the specially selected few, the place where everyone wants to live, but not everyone gets to, the hall possessing the most visually appealing landscapes. While living at AZ Preston hall I engaged in several hall activities and enjoyed the various competitions the hall had to offer. I can recall so very clearly, while yet a ‘press man’ not yet worthy of the “Prestonite” title, there was a competition, a ‘wineing’ competition. Yes, there was a Trinidadian girl involved. So all of the Jamaican girls did their thing and I thought they were pretty good, until the Trini hit the stage. She did unspeakable things with her waist! My mind was blown at the girl with the super rotating waist! She was so flexible, acrobatic and energetic, all eyes were glued on her. She did it with such ease and I never looked at her the same way again.  We eventually became very good friends.

For some reason whenever I see a Jamaican man with a Trinidadian woman, It is almost always a long term relationship! They last! I refuse to believe its just the accent or the ‘wine’, there is something here and I just can’t put my finger on it. Are Trinidadian women more faithful? Are they more willing? The Trinidadian culture is very different, there are certain things that most Jamaican ladies frown upon, that the Trini ladies enjoy doing (the art of deduction becomes quite necessary here). It appears that its the exciting nature of the Trinidadian women that we find appealing, a combination of several variables instead of one particular thing. Once a Trini lady has a grip on you, you’re tied.

I spoke with another friend of mine who was in a long term relationship with a Trinidadian lady. He says it’s not because she is a Trinidadian but men just like something new, something different. Variety is the spice of life and the combination of two different cultures always produce something exciting.

Is this a wake up call for our Jamaican ladies? Should they be worried? Should they be doing more to excite us?

– Aldeam Facey 2015