My Response To The 100 Year old Virgin

Last week the Gleaner published an article describing a 100 year old virgin. In the article the said virgin indicated that she gave her life to God and that she was never attracted to any man. This is perfectly fine and she must be commended for her strength and for practicing what she preaches which is much more than some of US Christians can say.
I was inspired to write this to replace a scheduled post after a conversation with a deeply religious, super spiritual Pentecostal friend of mine. Let us call her Anonymous A.

Anonymous A: “Hey Aldeam have you seen the article about the 100 year old virgin?”

Me: “Yea I have”

Anonymous A: “Like omg! How does she do that? I could never wait that long”

Me: “Really? Would you wait until say 40?”

Anonymous A:” yuh mad, no!”

Me: “30?”

Anonymous A: “No”

She is very old, just about my age so not much time left.

Tic toc, tic toc.

It is interesting to note the attention placed on this issue. A lady obeys God’s command, which we all should do and she is placed in the Gleaner for it. A few years ago there were 2 ladies, both virgins one 30 and the other 35. They were featured on religious hard talk! Featured! So if one wants to be on television all one has to do is abstain? Wow.
It is also interesting to note that all of these featured virgins are women. I am yet to see a feature on a male virgin who is over 30 years of age. Do these mystical creatures exist? I think there should be a balance between the stigma attached to female premarital sex and male premarital sex.

These are my confessions

When I was a first year student at UWI, I had never seen the insides of a woman, never felt the warm moist clench of the muscle on my muscle. One day in a group conversation in front of the IFLT (Lecture Theatre), a very large busted, Rastafarian girl loudly asked me if I was a virgin. She recognized the innocence in my words, the curiosity in my questioning and was surprised that one could be so ignorant. I felt ashamed, I did not fit in, I was not apart of the fellowship at that time due to my distant commute. I felt like I was doing something wrong by not doing something wrong. Why though? It happened again a few weeks ago while playing a certain sport with a certain group of friends, a young lady asked me “Aldeam are you a virgin”. This was greeted with laughter and very curious eyes, the question was so professionally evaded.

Guys, if you are ‘pure’ sexually speaking, don’t be swayed by the pressure of friends. Do not heed to the temptation, sexual addiction is real. I can’t promise you vaginas in heaven (no sex) but there is joy beyond our imaginations. If you have already tapped the well, as hard as it is a pause is always possible.

The 100 year old virgin is a former school teacher and a proud member of the Seventh Day Adventist Church.

– Aldeam Facey 2015

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An Investigation of the Increased Frequency of Vaginal ‘Consumption’ Among Jamaican Men: A Pilot Survey

Jamaica has for years embraced the culture of “oral sex rejection”, men forbidden to taste the juices of the labia, women frowned upon for taking the pole in the other hole. The nation’s opposition was clearly expressed in the music and 15 years ago one would not expect a public confession relating to the matter. It is clear the level of acceptance has increased as time progresses so I thought it would be a good idea to ask a few men their views. The responses are summarized below:

Bushy Puss
Bushy Puss

These individuals were randomly selected but I made sure I had a diverse mix, Christian, Rastafarian, Non-religious etc. They were asked “What are your views on cunnilingus and do you partake in such activities”. They were assured they had the right not to answer any questions and if they agreed, their names will not be used without permission. Here are the responses:

Anonymous 1: “Bwoy If mi wife seh she want it enuh, and she must have it, then I will do it, but I won’t suggest it. I have to make sure she is satisfied at home to prevent her from cheating.”

So he is basically saying he is going to hold his wife at home…with his tongue!  

Chad: “Yow mi nuh know enuh.” nervously looks away. “I have no views.. I doe know.” looks away “I …I …”

Guilt was written all over his face. 

Don: “When you have yuh wife, you affi love every part a har.”

Every Part!

Anonymous 2: “Boy mi nuh inna dat enuh. Yow doa use mi name enuh.”

“He seemed a little uncomfortable.”

Vin: “Yow inna di ghetto weh mi grow up every man seh fire pon dem ting deh enuh. But now a days people a do it more and more. Mi neva dweet yet still but…”

Interrupted but based on the progress of that conversation I’ll classify him as; Unsure.

Anonymous 3: “People do what dem waa do enuh, mi nuh see ntn wrong with it”

Translation: Mi do weh mi waa do enuh, I eat if I waa eat.

A group of 3 guys, Anonymous 2 was also present as he wanted to hear what the others had to say.

David: “I don’t see anything wrong with it”

Anonymous 2: “Fi real as long as you doing it with just that one girl”

Anonymous 4: “Yow pum pum fi eat! Mi naa hide an talk! Das why my girl love me enuh. All when e jaw dem big an yuh…” PG – It was also interesting to note the increased moisture around his mouth as he made his rant.

Anonymous 2: “Yow mi did have dis Trini girl and she wanted to do it. I told her she may but I won’t do it back. Knowing that I am not into it, she touched herself and wiped her juices all over my face. But mi tell my faada long time seh mi naa dweet still but ntn nuh really wrong with it. A man and a woman can do anything dem want as long as no anus is involved”

Anonymous 4: “No, man and woman can do anything even in the bottom”

Anonymous 2: “If yuh dweet inna woman bottom, yuh a still ‘IT’. My youte you a IT”

“IT” in this case was used to refer to homosexuality. The conversation got even deeper but in sticking to the point that is all I will share.

Rasta: “Before we get personal let us look at the wider issue from an intellectual perspective and define the…..”

He went on and on but did not answer a single question. Why did he so obviously avoid the question? Could the Rasta be a consumer of the “Porky”?

Pablo: Well I don’t support it. Based on my culture, how I grew up I just despise the idea. The women I have been with were able to climax without oral intervention (inserts rant about sexual prowess here). Also the smell of the Vagina I have encountered isn’t very pleasing”

Personal hygiene is very important.

So based on this pilot survey a whopping %70 of respondents are supportive of cunnilingus. Not all the responses can be noted here but when in a group I observed that men are more likely to oppose oral sex. It was also noted that when one individual confesses, the others present are more likely to have an open mind regarding the topic. I would like to do a follow-up using females, at the end of which I may express my personal views.

Sex has become like an extreme sport. Persons are doing “weird” and abnormal things to find pleasure. Is this associated with pornography and sexual promiscuity? The “ordinary” now appears boring and new fields are being explored. There are even talks about scheduled meetings of the anus and the tongue! That sounds very disgusting, but will it, 20 years from now? Sex was designed for a man and his wife, what they do in the bedroom is really their business, but even so, should there be a limit? Lets talk about it, what are your views? Comment below. Men, please click an answer below so we may have much more representative data.

– Aldeam Facey 2015