How to Know When to Leave a Relationship

When it comes to marriage I really don’t believe in leaving. There are however extreme circumstances that may require the termination of such a contract. The relationship I will discuss in this post, however, is one that is not yet bounded by a legal or spiritual contract.

contemplative black businessman leaving metro station
Photo by Ono Kosuki on

A very close friend of mine was in a relationship with a beautiful young lady. We were all friends and shared many experiences together. After a few years, the relationship got rocky and eventually ended. After the conclusion of the union, my friend told me that she cheated on him with three men (not simultaneously). I refused to believe him. I knew her so well that I refused to believe such an act was even remotely possible. Being a good friend I ended all interactions with her. I only learned of their issues after it ended but her cheating completely destroyed him mentally to the point where he dropped out of college. To date, he has never been able to trust another woman.

I found it strange that a woman would cheat. I was misled to believe that cheating was a man’s job. I learned my lesson during my early days at university that the job description was not specific to males. I had a long term relationship which I thought was going well. There was always room for improvements but I believe all tasks were being done according to standard procedures. I put the fire out like a fireman, shot down all approaching criminals like police and I laid the pipe like a plumber. No complaints. Of course, all services were offered with temperance given the clear conflict of interest. I much later found out that one man couldn’t satisfy her, she needed more wood for the fire. She was a real sweet potato pudding. I had no idea anything was wrong until I found tangible proof that the fire was being ignited by another wood. Being a new stick in the bush, I had certainly found my hoe.

Many years later another friend had a quite unique experience with a young lady. She took him to an obeah woman to be ‘assessed’ and they continued what would appear to be an ordinary relationship. Unfortunately, no one liked her. The relationship was very rocky, with break-ups and make-ups every few months, but he couldn’t leave. She pepper-sprayed him, but he couldn’t leave she allegedly keyed his car, but he couldn’t leave, she sent personal details of their relationship to his friends (myself included), but he couldn’t leave. After a few years of harsh treatment, he moved on but rumours are circulating that the ole fyah stick is being ignited.

I use my experiences and those of my colleagues to compile a list of red flags to look for early in a relationship. There are several more current situations that are too fresh to highlight just yet, but the primary points were considered and are used in the compilation of this list.

Red Flags to Look-Out For in a Relationship

  1. They cheat. Leave
  2. They verbally or physically abuse you. Leave
  3. They do not support your interest? Leave
  4. They do not respect your privacy. Leave
  5. Differences in religious beliefs. Leave
  6. Don’t get along with family. Leave
  7. They argue a lot. Find the source of the problem and fix it or leave.
  8. They are not financially stable/responsible. Leave
  9. They are addicted to social media. Leave
  10. They don’t trust you. Leave
  11. You are bored/uninterested. Leave

What About Permanent Unions?

I do not support divorce. It is however unreasonable to ask that you stay in an unhealthy relationship. Everything must be done to save a marriage, especially when children are involved. Counselling, prayer and fasting, therapy are a few reasonable options. If all fails, leave. Infidelity and poor finances are major reasons marriages fail. Avoid these as much as possible.

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