Conflict Of Interest #7: Impregnating Two Women At Once – Part 1

This is a true story!

So we all know cheating is a big deal business in Jamaica. You are not a real Jamaican man until you have three ‘baby mommas’ you don’t care about.

 

So Matthew, 27, met a beautiful young lady, Samantha, 22, and wooed her panties to the floor. But other than falling in bed they fell in love and formed a ‘serious’ relationship. No one expected Matthew to joke around. But there is something powerful about vajay-jays that makes Jamaican men giddy headed. Matthew met another young lady, Sasha, mother of two children, and immediately fell into her. Of course, it was an accident. This accident happened over and over on the streets of an apparently busy highway, until the evidence of the mistake could no longer hide itself. She got pregnant. Naturally, the Jamaican thing for Matthew to do is to keep it a secret from Samantha for as many decades as possible, stressing about a possible revelation until he dies of a stroke. Okay so no big deal right? Wrong! Sasha is also in a committed relationship with the ‘father’ of her babies, a man who already questions the paternity of the children ‘given’ to him, who clearly lack the phenotypical characteristics that defines a father-child connection.

Sasha, naturally is afraid to tell her partner her big secret as he uses the machete very well and his mental stability has not been confirmed. So she presented the news to him in a brilliant fashion, ‘Babes, we havin a baby! I’m pregnant, for you’. Problem solved. We will get back to this later.

Matthew continued his relationship with Samantha and four months after Sasha got pregnant, Samantha had some good news for Matthew as well. Yes, you guessed it, Samantha found out she’s pregnant!…For ‘Matthew’.

At this point I’m sure Matthew shouted the very same profane words he did while he accidentally fell into those holes without head gear.

He eventually built the courage to tell his sisters that he got two women pregnant and without a doubt it was met with much surprise. No one else knew. Sasha’s baby, Kimberly, became Matthew’s first born and is loved by Matthew’s supportive sisters. It was a sibling secret and they kept their mother in the dark regarding the birth of Kimberly.

Months passed and Kimberly grew to become the clone of Matthew. So much so that Sasha’s physically abusive spouse is now asking for a DNA test. It is important to note that Sasha is a very close friend of the family, who often stays at the family house. Mathew had to break the secret to his mother, who resides overseas. But of course, he had to deliver the message in bite sizes. He told his mother Samantha is pregnant and was about to have his baby. Matthew’s mother was happy to hear such good news so he paused there for a bit.

This is where it gets interesting…

So Matthew’s mom decided to make a trip to Jamaica to meet her ‘first’ grand child, for whom she brought many gifts. She decided to have the entire family meet up at the family house. Samantha had just given birth to Shannele and they made the trip as well. It would have been a grand and happy time for stressed out Matthew except Sasha and Kimberly were staying at the house at the time.

Sasha and the siblings knew the whole story but the siblings eventually had to let their mother know. Much to her disappointment as she had given her heart and cash to Shanelle. It is important to note that during the visit Sasha felt so left out and unwanted, that she left. But to this day, Samantha is unaware that her child is not Matthews first.

Should he tell her knowing it would mean the end of their relationship?

Should Sasha tell her spouse?

In my view, to be honest, the truth sometimes really really hurts. Lets hope this is resolved soon, without injuries.

I can’t say I am excited to see how this story ends but it does encourage me to keep it in my pants until it rots.

I am an independent observer/advisor of the events. All names have been changed for privacy.

 

– Aldeam Facey (The Real Jamaican Man) 2016

 

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Should We Scam Them?

The Jamaican law enforcers have been working very hard to combat the rise in the lottery scams that have been associated with the nation in recent years. While I believe it is silly that persons actually get tricked by these scammers I cannot help but frown upon this unlawful and unethical behavior. Living on the side of life where the grass isn’t greener, I entertain thoughts of how I can make an extra change. As blacks we struggle to make it in this world, we have been placed at the 200 meter start line in the race to success while the whites start at the 100 meter mark. This disadvantage is a direct result of the slavery we endured for centuries. Isn’t it fair that we are paid some form of compensation from the countries which have been made exceedingly wealthy because of the inhumane torture we had to endure, for them? To be taken from the comfort of our African homes, to suffer for their sake is a deep wound that may slowly heal, but the scar will always be quite obvious. A little compensation may assist in purchasing some garments just to cover the wound.

I stumbled across a very interesting song by the troubled, incarcerated dance hall artiste Vybes Kartel recently. The song is entitled “Reparation”. In the song he expressed his belief that as long as the scammers aren’t buying guns or supporting violence, then tricking people into handing over their money isn’t scamming, but it is reparation. You may listen here:

I understand the point he is trying to make here and without much thought it may appear logical. Unfortunately, lottery scamming has been associated with murders and the importation of guns. I have not seen where the country has in any way benefited from the scamming activities.

Jamaica has been making requests for reparations from the UK and an offer was made by the UK’s prime minister, David Cameron. The offer was to build and fund a prison in Jamaica. A prison! Not well needed funding for hospitals or schools, not island wide infrastructure development, a prison. What a spit in the face! Is it a place where they may store Jamaican prisoners who are living in the UK? So to sum this up a bit; in order to repay us for keeping us in captivity, they are going to build us a prison. I do hope the Jamaican government handles this with some amount of logical reasoning.

With that considered I refer once again to the Vybes Kartel song. It may seem fair to obtain money from the UK using unethical means. Slavery was wrong, so is scamming. Two wrongs won’t make a right. It is unfortunate that Vybes Kartel has so much influence over the young, uneducated, unemployed population, who may even venture into the world of scamming after hearing his song.

The scammers are talented people who I encourage to pursue a legal avenue to earn a living. Some have fairly good telephone etiquette and are computer literate. They can easily get the required qualifications to work at a marketing company or a customer care center. There are other options, the easy way out is seldom the best.

-Aldeam Facey 2015

The Use of English in Jamaica

English is the language of Jamaica. But while standard English is seldom used in informal conversations, it is clearly understood by the population. More frequently we use the Jamaican patois, our creole language which was conceived through a mix of Spanish and English. It is a significant part of our culture and is often used to socially classify the population. Our creole can be broken down into three groups: the basilectal creole – most contrasting to the standard English, to foreigners, it will sound like a totally different language. It is usually associated with the deep rural areas of Jamaica and it is not consistent across the country. Most frequently spoken at the western sections of the island. Acrolectal creole – closest to standard English, most frequently used by the ‘upper class’ citizens. Mesolectal creole – the average of basilectal and acrolectal creole, very frequently used in daily conversations by the average Jamaican.

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Example: If one were to ask “Whose is this?”

Basilectal: “A fufah dis?”

Mesolectal: “A Whofah dis” or “Whose dis?”

Acrolectal: “Whose is this?”

It is the presence of this vast variation in the language that makes English – the very easy subject – a challenge for many students. It also is a limitation to learning. If the language is not mastered at an early age, students may get left behind in the class room as teachers use acrolectal creole/standard English.

General Language Use

Standard English is used as much as possible in business places, banks, schools and often times churches. It is a good indicator of one’s level of education and mastery of the language becomes quite useful even internationally. It is very important to know when to use the variations of Jamaican English. If you go to the market, do NOT use standard English or you will pay the price for it. Also they may not clearly understand if you use jargons or different units (kg vs lbs).

The ‘H’ Displacement

Ave you hever noticed the BIG problem many of us have pronouncing the letter ‘h’? I tried convincing a group of persons recently that I’m actually a thug. But in my explanation my clear pronunciation of the ‘h’ in thug significantly reduced the credibility of my statements. It makes sense as a robber would not be taken seriously if he said ‘Let me have your purse’ versus ‘Yow oman gimmi dis’. The former statement may be greeted with some form of physical defence while the latter, with compliance. In Jamaica we throw the letter ‘h’ all hover the place. It is often placed where it shouldn’t be and removed where it is needed. With increased education comes decreased frequency of displacement. this issue is so bad, that I was complimented by my teacher in primary school for saying “thirty three” instead of the more frequently used “terty tree”.

We should be proud of our creole and make attempt to remove the stigma attached. English is the language of the country but the standard is not the most frequently used. If you are not able to speak standard English don’t be ashamed of using the creole. It is much more embarrassing to attempt to speak standard English when you can’t, than it is to speak creole.

– Aldeam Facey 2015

Blue Hole Review

I haven’t been in a lot of holes, and by no means do I consider myself a ‘holey’ man but of all the holes I’ve been in, it is now official, blue hole is my favorite hole. It may be wide and deep, but when I dived in – head first – I didn’t want to get out.

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At 30 feet deep I would never recommend jumping in without a life jacket, unless you are an EXTREMELY good swimmer!

Blue Hole St Mary 6.8 (10) Blue Hole St Mary 6.8 (7) Blue Hole St Mary 6.8 (11)Swinging and diving in is the dangerous, yet most fun feature of the “main hole”. There are also a few mini caves under the falls which are really cool!

Blue Hole St Mary 6.8 (9)Designated lifeguards are not available! The tour guides can swim and do offer assistance (primarily to females) but you are, for the most part on your own.

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Blue Hole St Mary 6.8 (23) Blue Hole St Mary 6.8 (37)There is a fun hike to the other falls. The water is not as deep here, approximately 15 and 20 feet respectively for the last two images.

Blue Hole St Mary 6.8 (48) Blue Hole St Mary 6.8 (51)The fun is found in the very real danger! YOLO?

Blue Hole St Mary 6.8 (57)The blue hole was more fun than I had expected. My suggestions for improvement however are:

  1. Increased safety – Paid lifeguards and more available life jackets. Life jackets are provided upon request with the $500 (JMD) entrance fee however they are in limited supply!
  2. What would make this more fun is a zip-line!

Remember to tip the tour guide for their service! That’s how they “eat a food”. My tour guide swam with my camera, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to take most of these photos.

I give Blue Hole river and waterfalls 8/10 I highly recommend it!

– Aldeam Facey 2015

Jamaican Cornmeal Pudding Recipe

Cornmeal pudding is very easy to prepare and has been a favorite among Jamaicans for as long as I can remember.

Ingredients:

3 Cups Cornmeal

3/4 Cups Flour

2 Cups Sugar

1 Teaspoon Salt

2 Teaspoon Cinnamon Extract

1 Teaspoon Grated Nutmeg

1 Teaspoon Mixed Spice

2 Teaspoon Vanilla

1 Sachet of Maggie Coconut Milk

Raisins (optional)

Directions:

Mix the cornmeal, flour, sugar and salt together.

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Add water to mix the sachet of coconut milk then slowly add coconut milk to the dry ingredients (2 cups of water is needed)

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Add vanilla, mixed spice, cinnamon extract and grated nutmeg. Add raisins if desired then pour mixture into baking tin and bake at 375 degrees (F) for 1.5 hours.

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Allow it to cool for at least 1 hour before you devour.

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– Aldeam Facey 2015

“A Proper Backsiding” – Child Abuse Or a Cure For Disobedience?

A “backsiding” is a term often used, especially in rural Jamaica, to describe a spanking. This spanking is usually very thorough and is of an intensity proportional to the offense.
We Jamaicans are very angry people and a simple backsiding, where it involves the aluminum pot covers, barbed wires, chains, frying pans or ‘anyting di han can find’, may easily be classified as attempted murder.

“Aldeeeeam!”
“… Yes”
“Gwaan fi di belt an come”
“…. ”
” Mi seh gwaan fi di belt!”

A ‘sticky’ situation, a dilemma characterized by its complexity. Do I obey and accept my guaranteed, immediate reward or do I disobey and have my reward multiplied later? A tough decision I had to make as a child, a decision which became skewed in favor of immediate acceptance as time progressed.
I had a very interesting childhood, whenever I was sick with ‘disrespect’, Dr. Mommy would prescribe and administer ‘a propa backsiding’ or a ‘good buss ass’. It may sound violent, but I don’t believe I turned out too bad. Would the other techniques work? What if during my disrespect full phase my mother prescribed a time out? “Go to your room Aldeam” or “No TV” just to give me some time to think about what I’ve done. I laugh at the very thought. I personally don’t think that would work for a tough head like me, a very stubborn boy.
All the adults in my immediate and extended family turned out to be well disciplined persons, and all had been served a good dish of butt whooping.
Traditionally speaking a spanking was believed to cure the following childhood diseases:

  • Back talking
  • Teeth hissing
  • Disobeying
  • Unauthorized excursions
  • Child spoiling
  • Idling
  • Late home arrivals
  • Bad grades at school
  • Early pregnancy
  • Hard-a-hearing

And many more unpublished diseases.
Spanking ‘created’ the perfect child.

Modern society is moving towards a more passive approach to child corrections. Physically beating a child may result in a legal charge. Many, however, still hold the traditional beliefs that sparing the rod spoils the child.

What are your views? Share below.
Also share some of your experiences with physical corrections.

– Aldeam Facey 2015

Lyssons (UWI) Beach Review

Lyssons Beach is owned and operated by the University of the West Indies. It is located along the coast of St. Thomas across from St. Marguerite’s Hospital.

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Lovely landscapes.
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Adequate bathroom/changing room facilities.SAM_1031 SAM_1032 SAM_1033 SAM_1034 SAM_1035

Seating and shade.SAM_1037 SAM_1043 SAM_1047 SAM_1086

The beach stretches about 100 meters with light brown sand and a shore with almost no incline. There is usually a lifeguard on stand by. The water’s depth is not consistent and may get deep quite suddenly. At the time I visited there was even an old tire in the water!

It is okay for a south coast beach, one cannot expect much more in south west Jamaica. But a few additions (volley ball court, barrier or depth indicator in water) can improve the experience.

The cost to use the beach is listed below (subject to change at the discretion of the UWI).

Lyssons Cost - www.lifeofajamaican.wordpress.com

This beach is best used for events such as beach parties or a group retreat.

I give Lyssons Beach a rating of 5/10.

– Aldeam Facey 2015